Figure in the Shadow
by Raphshell
Summary: Raphael sees someone in a new light, someone he never expected to fall for. Now he is sickened with himself, and knows there is no way his own brother would ever return his feelings. Turtlecest warning!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

I did some editing in this chapter, but it doesn't have to be read over. I just fixed some grammatical errors and changed a few words to help the chapter flow a little better. Nothing major was changed.

--

Raphael saw the shadowy figure standing above him. A strange desire washed over him. It was a new feeling, one that he had never experienced before. In the light that spilled from behind the shadowy figure, Raphael could make out the smooth muscled arms crossed in front of the hard chest. In his intoxicated state, he could see the vague outline of the newcomer; the hint of green outlined against the blackness told him that this presence was someone he knew well. Why did he have these feelings in the pit of his stomach? It must be the beer right? Where did this sudden interest come from? And most importantly why was he suddenly so attracted to this figure? The alcohol numbed the feeling which would normally be horror and disgust at these strange new emotions.

Reaching out, Raphael attempted to grasp at what he knew deep in his subconscious was unattainable. The figure offered no hand in help. Instead the figure glared at him through the darkness. The eyes gave no hint of reciprocating the feelings Raphael now suddenly found himself drowning and losing himself in.

Dropping his hand back to his lap, Raphael attempted to assess his situation. Here he was drunk out of his fucking tree on a roof top, lost in New York. Huh, that really sucked. He never got lost in New York, but after his fight with his older brother, he found himself in a small quiet bar, seated in a booth away from the crowd. He was safely wrapped in a long trench coat and a fedora, losing himself in the rum and smoky haze that filled the darkened corner he confined himself to.

The woman who had approached him while he was drowning in liquor and his own anger was probably in her forties. She had been the kind of woman, who probably would have been attractive when she was young, but time had caught up with her, and the years of drinking and cigarettes had clawed its way into her youth like a monster that had sucked the life out of her soul. She was to thin to be healthy, premature wrinkles and age spot were beginning to catch up with the years of abuse she had put her body through.

"Hey stranger" she greeted him with a hoarseness to her voice that Raphael would have found sexy if not for the fact he knew it was due to the long time abuse she brought upon herself. "Haven't seen you around here before"

Little conversation on her part was all it took for Raphael to follow the narrow hips and fluffy hair into the men's room. The next thing he knew, he had the nameless woman pinned up against the wall in one of the stalls in the men's room. Once they had gotten off and she was in a state of ecstasy, moaning to herself with her eyes closed, Raphael took the opportunity to slip off quietly using what ninja like stealth he could muster up in his drunken haze.

It wasn't long after when he found himself on a roof top trying to gather his bearings and figure out where the hell he was, when in front of him appeared this vision, so to speak. The light of the moon that revealed all the beautifully carved features of the well toned body in front of him sent shivers down his spine before he realized who it even was.

It was Leo.

--

After unsympathetically watching his brother for a few moments, and refusing to help his intoxicated brother to his feet, Leonardo finally grabbed Raphael's upper arm and pulled him up to his feet. Leo could smell the alcohol long before he had even found his brother. He wasn't sure if he was more pissed off or more worried about his brother. Raphael was always the more reckless one out of the brothers, but he wasn't the type of person who would get completely wasted and lost in the city unless he was at home or with a friend like Casey.

"Come on Raph" Leo grunted as he slung Raphael's arm around his shoulder. "You've been gone for hours and we've all been worried sick about you" Leo scolded in spite of the fact he knew that he knew it would do no good to lecture Raphael, especially since he clearly was shit faced and would not remember in the morning.

Once he got his brother into the sewers and into safety from the public eye, Leo felt a twinge of relief. Once they had reached the bottom of the ladder, Leo found himself waving a hand in front of his brother's face. Raphael's gaze seemed to be transfixed somewhere between Leo's lower plastron and his knees. Once Raph snapped out whatever world his mind had wondered to, he met his brother's gaze momentarily the looked away quickly in what Leo would have normally pegged as embarrassment. But this was Raph, and he never understood what was going through his brother's crazy head, so he passed it off as nothing more than drunken stupidity.

Back at the lair, Leo helped his brother to his room as he prepared for the angry lecture he planned to deliver to his brother in the morning before practice. Once he had Raphael tucked into bed, he was slightly shocked when Raphael's hand momentarily reached up and touched his cheek almost tenderly before drifting off into sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The dream began to fade. Blinking his eyes open, Raphael realized he needed to get the bathroom really really fast. Throwing his blankets off, he shot out of bed to slip on a pile of magazines lying haphazardly on the floor. As he crashed to the ground he knew there was no chance of making it to the toilet at this point. At the last second he noticed the scrub pail that had been carefully placed beside his bed. Grabbing the pail, Raphael emptied the contents of his stomach making empty promises to himself he would never drink again.

Moaning to himself, Raphael set the pail aside and crawled back into bed. He was really dehydrated and god did his head hurt. That's when he noticed the Tylenol and glass of water on his night stand. He was surprised but grateful. Raphael figured that someone must have put him to bed last night and left him these little treasures. He just hoped it was one of his brothers, preferably Mike or even Don, and not his Sensei or god so help him, Leo. Unfortunately he was so drunk last night he couldn't remember much of anything that had happened, especially his journey home. With a sigh, Raphael fell back to sleep.

--

"Yo earth to Donny!" Leo laughed waving a hand in front of Don's face "Are ya there bro?"

Don jumped out of his chair startled. He was deep in thought and a little annoyed Leo interrupted him. "Yeah yeah I'm here." He replied.

"I was asking if you felt like going out for a run?"

"Uh I don't think I will right now, I had plans to tune up the battle shell. Why don't you ask Mike or Raph to go with you?"

"Mike is busy cooking up a storm, and Raph is in bed"

Don's mouth dropped open "Raph still hasn't gotten up?"

"Only to use the bathroom and eat" Leo sighed rolling his eyes.

Don's face cracked into a smile "Why Leo you must be getting soft. You let Raph skip practice and sleep in all day, and you haven't so much as given him a lecture so far?"

Leo grinned evilly. "There's always tomorrow Don. I'll make him pay yet"

Don chuckled to himself. He had no doubt Leo would be extra hard on Raph tomorrow, but Don knew as well as Leo that messing with Raph was potentially dangerous.

Leo sighed "Okay, since the rest of you guys are occupied I guess I'll go out alone tonight."

"Okay bro, how long will you be out?"

"Only a couple of hours, and I'll be on the usual route"

"Have fun" Don waved as Leo made his way out of the lair.

--

Running was always one of his favourite past times. It was freedom from all the things in his life that held him down. It always felt as though if he was fast enough he could actually run from his problems, but once he stopped, the problems always caught back up to him and latched itself to him again like a leech draining his life force. Although he would never say it to his brothers, he was slightly relieved none of them came with him tonight. Of course he loved being around them, but it was nice to have alone time, and not have to worry about the safety of his brothers.

Lost in his thoughts he never even noticed the silent figure standing on the roof top. As he leapt, and prepared to land on the next roof top, he found himself colliding head first into a body and then falling with his arms and legs flailing about awkwardly.

A cry sounded out as he landed upside down against the ledge of the roof. Groaning, Leo crawled to his hands and knees and rubbed his head unsure of what had just happened. As he looked up, he saw a beautiful girl around his age with long chestnut brown hair lying on the ground not far from him, groaning holding her ribs where he collided with her.

His instinct was saying to get the hell out of there, but his honour demanded he stay and help the girl out. After all, it was his fault she was lying there in pain. Drawing in a deep breath, Leo prepared himself for the screams of horror which would surely follow once the girl got a good look at him. Silently, he made his way to her side and knelt beside her.

"Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you" Leo said in his most gentle, non threatening voice as he laid a comforting hand on her arm. Her eyes fluttered open, and sure enough she screamed bloody murder as soon as she looked at him.

Leo sighed as he stood up and stretched waiting for her to calm down before he even bothered to explain himself. He casually looked around trying to figure out how far he was from home as he waited for the hysterical girl to stop screaming. He noticed a telescope a few feet away that answered the question of why she was up on the roof to begin with. He wondered how well a telescope would work with the bright lights of the city.

Finally once she had worn herself out and was reduced to silent whimpers, Leo approached her again and reassured her he wouldn't hurt her (again). After several minutes of talking to her and explaining what had happened he finally had her calm enough to let him examine her ribs where she was in pain. Leo determined that he must have cracked her rib when he collided into her.

"Look I don't think there is anything serious wrong here, but I think your rib might be cracked, so you had better go to the hospital and get it checked out."

"Um yeah I guess" the girl responded softly as she eyed Leonardo determining whether or not she should trust him

"By the way, my name is Leonardo, but you can call me Leo" he said nervously extending his hand towards the timid girl"

She bit her lip for a moment as her eyes flickered towards his three fingered hand waiting patiently for her to grasp. "Marissa" she said after a moment, accepting his hand shake.

--

Raphael woke up the following morning feeling much better. Well better from his hangover anyway. He couldn't for the life of himself figure out what was bothering him though. There was something he thought he should remember, but he couldn't bring it to mind, so he brushed it off deciding it didn't really matter anyway.

He made his way into the kitchen where he started to pull a box of cereal off the shelf, then changed his mind and dug out the bacon, eggs, sausage and bread. He didn't eat much the day before, and he was extra hungry this morning, and he figured since he was apparently the first one up he might as well cook for everyone.

Fifteen minutes later he was joined by his father who was quite pleased to see Raphael up and about so early after sleeping through most of the previous day. Shortly after, Don and Mikey made their way into the kitchen, thrilled by the prospect of a hearty breakfast cooked by Raph no less, instead of the usual boring bowl of cereal.

A half hour later there still wasn't any sign of Leo. Mikey thought it was hilarious that Leo was the last one up for a change, and he thought of ways in which he could torment his older sibling about this day for years to come. In fact it was another full hour before any sign of life came from Leo's room, and just in time. His brothers were beginning to wonder what was wrong.

"Yo Leo" Don chuckled "We were starting to worry about you bro"

Leo rubbed his face tiredly with his left hand before he stretched and yawned. "Yeah I had a bit of a late night"

Raph raised an eye ridge "You had a late night? That's gotta be a first"

"Yeah dude, I'm pretty sure the last time you claimed to have a 'late night'" Mikey said while making air quotes "it was only 11:30, and no offence bro, but that's pretty lame"

Leo glared at his orange clad brother and retaliated by sticking his tongue out at him.

"Whoa Leo. Burn" Raph said sarcastically.

"Okay you guys, enough with the third degree. I accidentally hurt a girl last night and I ended up walking her to the hospital"

The three of them exchanged looks of surprise. "You accidentally hurt someone?" Don repeated.

"Yeah I kinda got lost in thought while I was out on a run, and literally jumped into a girl on the rooftop of a building. I cracked one of her ribs"

There was a moment of silence before Mike burst out laughing. "Wow Leo that's real stealthy of you"

Leo tried his best to look pissed off at Mike, but in the end he joined in the laughter and grabbed Mikey in a head lock and proceeded to give him a nuggie.

--

Morning practice went well, but Raphael still felt some pent up energy inside that he couldn't explain. Normally once practice was over, he and Mike were usually pushing each other out of the way in race to get to the shower first, but today he felt like hanging out in the Dojo longer and putting in more practice time. He wasn't surprised when Leo had hung back as well. Most days he put in an extra hour or two. Raphael sighed. He had hoped to be alone. He actually preferred it that way, with no one to make judgments, or catch him on his mistakes. It would be just him alone, doing it for himself.

Leo looked slightly surprised to see Raph hadn't left the Dojo. "Something bothering you Raph?"

"Yeah"

Leo waited a moment, but when Raphael didn't offer anymore of an explanation, he took another stab at it "What is it?"

"Honestly Leo, I have no fucking clue"

Leo nodded knowing that he wouldn't be getting anymore out of Raph, and it was pointless to try, as he would probably just end up pissing him off somehow

"Okay, well you know if you ever need to talk I'm here"

Raphael nodded in response

"Feel like a sparring match?" Leo offered

Raphael shrugged "Sure why not" he said placing his sai off to the side with Leo's katana.

The two of them got into position, and bowed before facing off. Raphael and Leo circled each other waiting for the first to strike. Leo knew that if he bided his time, Raphael would become impatient and make the first attack as he almost always did. Sure enough, when Raph lunged forward, Leo was prepared and easily blocked the hit. They went on for some time expertly matching each other's strikes and blows, until Leo finally got the upper hand and swept Raphael's feet from under him. Before had a chance to move, Leo threw his body onto Raph's expertly pinning him to the ground. Raphael struggled to break free from the grip, but Leo just held on tightly.

Raphael's heart began to beat wildly. He felt like he needed to get out from under his brother. It was almost as if he had become claustrophobic. Beads of sweat broke out on his forehead as he began to panic. Leo's face was just inches from his, and he could feel his hot breath against his cheek. Raphael felt as if he was going to be sick if he didn't get away and fast. He couldn't for the life of himself figure out why he was suddenly so panicked. He had done this a million times with his brothers, but it might as well have been Shredder pinning him down with the way he was feeling.

"Okay I give!" Raphael shouted "Just get the fuck off of me!"

Leo jolted in surprise by Raphael's sudden outburst. He wasn't sure what he did to piss his brother off. He rolled of his Raph and stood up. Leo was shocked to see the deep, shaky breaths his brother was making. Raphael looked angry, scared and confused all at the same time.

"Raph what's wrong?"

"I don't know Leo!" he snapped pulling himself to his feet, ignoring the hand Leo offered in help "I just..." he trailed off before shaking his head and storming out of the Dojo, leaving an open mouthed Leo staring after him in shock.

--

Raphael felt better once he had left the lair, and went to the rooftops where he was out in the wide open spaces. As much as he tried, he couldn't figure out what happened in the Dojo to make him freak out the way he did. He shook his head of the thoughts and decided to head to Casey's, hoping his fridge would be freshly stocked with beer. He had no intention of getting drunk after the hangover he suffered through the day before, but man he needed at least one.

--


	3. Chapter 3

Notes: I just thought that I would mention that in this particular story the turtles are not blood related. They are brothers in spirit only.

Chapter 3

Leonardo was surprised at how much time had passed in such a short while. It seemed like it was only a few weeks ago when he had met Marissa for the first time. Although they had had a shaky start, they quickly grew close to one another first as friends, which soon after blossomed into a relationship. Now here he was 7 months after their first meeting curled up on her couch, running his fingers through her soft chestnut hair as she was snuggled up against him with her head resting on his plastron.

Glancing down, he saw that her eyes were closed. She had fallen asleep during the movie, and was now drooling a little. Leo smiled to himself as he thought for the millionth time how beautiful she was. He really couldn't believe how lucky he was that a girl who was as wonderful as Marissa had fallen for him. He never thought the day would come where a human girl would accept him for who he was and love him.

Yawning, Marissa's eyes fluttered open as she slowly woke up. Sitting up, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and smiled at Leo.

"Hey your still here sweetie"

Leo smiled back. "Of course I am. Where else would I want to be?"

"I just thought that since it was late, your family would worry"

Leo chuckled at her concern "They know that I won't be back for awhile"

Marissa glanced down shyly for a moment "You know Leo, you can stay here tonight if you want"

Leonardo felt his heart skip a beat. God he wanted to stay with her so badly, but for some reason he felt it wasn't the right time. He had never been with a girl in that way, and he wanted Marissa to be his first, but a part of him was still guarded. Being what he was, he couldn't help but worry that someday she would realize she didn't want him, and that frightened him more than he could begin to explain to her.

"Marissa, you know how badly I want to be with you, and when the time is right we'll be together, but please understand that I can't right now."

Leo could have sworn he saw the briefest flash of annoyance in her eyes before she gave him an understanding smile. "It's okay Leo, whenever you're ready I'll be here"

"Thanks hon" Leo said kissing the top of her head.

"Umm Leo, I don't want to put pressure on you, but do you think it would be okay if I met your family sometime?" Marissa asked as she playfully fiddled with the tails of his blue eye mask.

Leonardo considered it for a moment before turning to Marissa and smiling. "Yeah, you know I think that it's time you did meet my family. Master Splinter is the only one who knows about us. I haven't told my brothers yet, but I'll talk to them when I go home, and arrange for you to come to the lair for supper tomorrow."

Marissa grinned happily "That would be great Leo. Should I bring anything?"

"No don't worry about that. I'll come by around 4:00 to pick you up. That okay by you?"

Marissa nodded enthusiastically and kissed him on the cheek. "I can't wait"

Leo smiled at his girlfriend and kissed her softly on the lips. "I think I'll head home now, but I'll give you a call tomorrow afternoon before I come by."

Leonardo got up from the sofa, walked to the window, opened it and stepped out onto the fire escape. Marissa followed him to the window and kissed him deeply on the mouth before he left.

"I love you Leo"

"I Love you to"

-------

Raphael was sitting on the couch with Don and Mike when Leo came home. He was surprised at how late his brother was out. Of course Leo was always out late now, which annoyed Raphael to no end because Leo would always give him a lecture whenever he came home late.

"Hey guys" Leo said coming into the living room area. "There is something I need to tell you guys after I talk to Sensei, so don't go to bed yet"

Raphael eyed his brother curiously "what's this all about Leo?"

"Just give me a few minutes" Leo responded as he went to their father's room and knocked gently on the door.

"You may enter" Raphael heard his father's voice sound through the door. The three of them watched as their brother disappeared into Splinter's room.

"Hey guys" Michelangelo whispered "wanna go listen through the door?"

"Mikey…."Donatello began scolding "actually yes I do"

Mike and Don jumped up from the sofa and silently raced to the bedroom door. Raphael rolled his eyes, and starred at the television for a moment, then quickly jumped up and joined his brothers at the door.

"Master Splinter I wanted to ask you for permission to bring Marissa over here tomorrow for supper. She really wants to meet you and my brothers"

Mike glanced at Raph and Don "Who's Marissa?" he whispered

The two of them shrugged their shoulders and continued to listen to the conversation.

"Tell me my son, do you love this girl?"

Raphael froze at those words

"Yes Sensei, I love her very much, and she loves me as well"

A hard cold feeling clutched Raphael's stomach, and his breath caught in his throat. He didn't know why those words made him feel so strange.

"Very well my son, I would be more than honoured to meet your girlfriend"

"Thank you Sensei. I'm going to go tell my brothers about her now"

"That won't be necessary Leonardo"

"Why not?"

"Because they are listening through the door as we speak, and have heard every word of this conversation."

Don and Mike's eyes grew huge and in a flash Leonardo had flung the door open, causing his three brothers to tumble into a heap on the floor of their father's bedroom.

Don and Mike looked from their father and brother with sheepish grins on their face, while Raphael couldn't control the hard glaring look that was stubbornly fixated on his face.

"Well since you guys already know" Leo sighed "there's no point in telling you now."

Raphael couldn't help but lash out "Really Leo? You got yourself a little girlfriend huh? How long do you think some girl is gonna stay with a mutant turtle? She's just gonna hurt you once she finds someone better!"

Leonardo was shocked and hurt, and as pissed off as he was at the moment, he wouldn't admit to his hot headed brother he worried that could actually happen someday.

"Fuck you Raph!" Leo found himself shouting "You don't know her, you don't get to judge her!"

Mike and Don watched the fight going on between them wide eyed

"Jesus Leo, she's just like all the rest of them. Have your fun with her, but don't expect anything more from her"

With that, Leo let out and angry snarl and attacked Raphael, punching him in the face.

"Enough!" Master Splinter shouted "Raphael! What is the meaning of your outburst against Leonardo's girlfriend? And Leonardo, I know that you have more self control than that"

Leo and Raph hung their heads and apologized to their Sensei.

"Raphael I want to speak to you alone for a moment please. And without any listeners I might add" as he shot a warning look at Don and Mike"

Raphael stepped into his father's room and closed the door behind him.

"Kneel my son" Splinter instructed

Raphael walked in front of his father and got down on his knees

"Raphael" Splinter said calmly "What is it about Leonardo having a girlfriend that is troubling you so much?"

Raphael sighed "I don't know what it is Sensei" he answered honestly. Raphael wished he knew why he had become angry at his brother so quickly.

"I guess I'm just worried about him Master Splinter. We're mutant freaks who are gonna spend the rest of our lives livin in the damn sewers, hidin from everyone. What kind of girl is gonna give up her life and spend it with one of us?"

Splinter considered this for a moment "Do you not trust your brother's judgement Raphael? He has probably realized himself that this is a possibility. I believe Leonardo will be careful in choosing who he gives his heart to."

Raphael fidgeted uncomfortably "Maybe" he agreed half heartedly.

"Is there any other reason why you are angry at your brother?"

Raphael looked around the room desperately wanting to escape. He was beginning to feel trapped. "No I don't think so Sensei"

Splinter reached out and touched his son on the shoulder "Raphael you know that anything you say to me will never leave this room"

Raphael sighed. He knew he wasn't getting out of there until he talked more "I guess I'm a little jealous. If she is the real thing then she's one of a kind. I can't see any other girl out there wanting us" Raphael only half believed that, and by the look in his father's eyes, he knew that his father only half believed it as well.

"Very well my son. You may leave now, but I must ask you to refrain from lashing out at your brother's girlfriend from now on. If you are angry about something please come to me first and talk about it"

"Yes father" Raphael said as he got up and left the room.

-------

The following evening, Raphael was hitting his punching bag aggressively as he waited for his brother to show up with his girlfriend. He was dreading the meeting, and resolved to be on his best behaviour. His head swam sea of thoughts all jumbled into incoherent babble. He was nervous, angry, sick, jumpy, sad, weak and jealous for some reason. Maybe he was coming down with the flu or something.

Raphael had just stopped hitting the punching bag, and was holding onto it for support when the front door had opened, and Leonardo walked in with his new girlfriend. Not surprisingly, it upset him even further when he saw just how pretty she was. '_This is gonna be a lovely fuckin night'_ he thought bitterly.

Raphael gritted his teeth as he joined the rest of his family at the door where Leo was making introductions. When Leo got to him, he shot Raphael a warning look before introducing them.

"And this is my brother Raphael" Leonardo said to Marissa.

"Hi Raphael, it's nice to meet you" Marissa smiled extending her hand.

Raphael starred at her hand for a moment as if it would bite him before taking it and giving it a quick shake and then letting go.

"Hi" he mumbled "you can call me Raph"

Marissa seemed to have picked up on Raphael's coldness towards her along with everyone else, because there was a brief moment of awkward silence that followed before Michelangelo broke the tension when he began pelting Marissa with a series of questions and jokes. Mike led her away and into the kitchen with Don and Splinter leaving Raphael and Leonardo alone.

"Raphael for my sake be civil to her" Leonardo pleaded

There was something about the look in Leonardo's eyes that caused Raphael's breath catch momentarily, and made him feel ashamed for ever hurting his brother which was strange because he usually didn't give a flying fuck about Leo's feelings. The look was somewhat desperate, worried and still hurt from Raphael's actions the previous night. Raphael shook it off mentally and put a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Its okay Leo, I'll be good" Raphael assured him as they made their way into the kitchen.

-------

As the family sat and ate supper, Raphael had decided that yes indeed, it must have been jealousy that his brother had found a beautiful girlfriend who loved him that was upsetting him so much. It was while he was sitting across from them at the dinner table watching them touch hands, laughing and gazing into one another's eyes as they retold the story of how they met, when Raphael felt the pangs of jealousy returning like an old friend that had been popping up regularly since last night when he learned of Leo's love life.

Starring down into his dinner plate, Raphael jabbed at his chicken furiously, determined not to look at the love birds sitting across from him gazing stupidly at one another. Unfortunately, not looking at them did little to ease the pain. He still had to listen to their giggles and lovey dovey banter. He tried blocking them out mentally, but his treacherous ears listened to the conversation anyway. It made him want to gag.

After forcing himself to sit at the table for a few more minutes, he gave up and excused himself. His father shot him a questioning look which he chose to ignore. Raphael went directly to his room where he took a moment to flop into his hammock. He needed to take a moment to clear his head before going back out to face his family. However without meaning to, he found himself dozing off into a restless sleep.

A few hours later, Raphael woke up and glanced at his clock. It was almost 11:00 at night. He couldn't believe he slept so long, and knew Leo would probably be pissed at him for taking off at dinner and not coming back. On the other hand, Raphael was sure Leo would have taken Marissa back home by now and he wouldn't have to endure watching them and pretending it didn't bother him anymore.

Sighing to himself, Raphael got up and made his way to the kitchen hoping that there would be leftovers from dinner as he had abandoned most of his food earlier. The lights were off in the lair, and the television was left on. Raphael figured Mike was up watching some of his late night monster movies, and was about to say something to him when he glanced down at the sofa to see Leonardo sitting there instead with his girlfriend in the middle of a heavy make out session.

Raphael's blood momentarily ran cold before his body was ignited with angry fire of rage and jealousy at the sight. Then it hit him that he wasn't jealous that his brother had a girlfriend, he wanted to throw Marissa off of Leo and grab his brother in his own arms and kiss him. That realization freaked him out, and he hardly made it out of the living room quietly enough not to disturb them.

Raphael stumbled his way into the bathroom on his weak, shaky legs and quietly shut and locked the door behind him. His breaths were coming out in heavy gasps and his hands were trembling. He turned his head to the right and starred at his reflection in the mirror. He hardly recognized the wild eyed, terrified face looking back at him. A cold sweat broke out across his forehead as his breaths became more ragged. If he could only get his heart to slow down he would be able to calm himself.

A wave of nausea hit Raphael, and it was all he could do to carry himself dizzily to the toilet where he threw up the little food he had in his stomach to begin with. He clutched the edge of the toilet and pulled himself to the edge of the bathtub. He turned on the shower and pulled himself in not caring about the temperature. He needed to feel something other than these forbidden feelings for his brother, so he welcomed the idea of scalding hot or freezing cold water against his skin. How could he have these feeling for his own brother? Jesus it was Leo! Why did this have to happen to him? Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe he was mistaken and he didn't want his brother. Then the image of Leo with Marissa danced in front of his eyes taunting him, teasing him made him realize that it was all to real.

He was in love with Leonardo.

-------

Please review

Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Raphael wasn't sure how long he stayed in the bathtub curled up with his knees drawn protectively to his chest. The steady rhythm of the water beating against his skin began to numb him in a sense, which seemed appropriate considering he was numb inside. For what he was sure was the millionth time that night he wondered how it was possible he had more than brotherly feelings towards his brother, and wondered just how long he had them without realizing it. The thing that got him the most was the fact that it was Leo he was lusting after. He couldn't stand him at the best of times. His straight laced, teacher's pet, rule abiding brother drove him crazy, and now all he wanted to do was hold him down and do unmentionable things to him. He couldn't help but wonder if Mike or Don had been the ones he had seen on the sofa making out with a girl if he would have had the same reaction. He pictured the scenario in his mind and decided that no, he couldn't have cared less, and probably would have been happy for them if they had found girlfriends.

Raphael rubbed at his temples in a pointless attempt to sooth the oncoming headache that was pounding in his head. He vaguely wondered if Leo had taken his girlfriend home yet. He knew that he couldn't handle walking back out there to encounter them locked in each other's arms again or he might just lose it. But damn he really needed something for his head.

Sighing to himself, he reached forward and turned the taps off, and sat for a moment in the lingering silence that filled his ears. He pulled himself up, grabbed a towel off of the shelf and dried himself. Raphael opened the door a crack and peered down the hallway. The television was off and the lair was silent. He crept out of the bathroom and into the living room relieved to see Leonardo and Marissa were no longer there. He went into the kitchen no longer hungry after what he just experienced. He pulled the bottle of Tylenol out of the cupboard, took out two and sat down at the table with a glass of water. He stared at them for quite some time before taking it lost in thought. In fact he was so lost in thought he never noticed that Leo had made it back home, and was now watching him from the doorway.

-------

Leonardo opened up the main door to the lair and stepped inside. He had just come home from Marissa's place after dropping her off. All in all, he was pleased at how well things had gone that night, with the exception of Raphael's strange behaviour. It wasn't that his brother was outright rude to her, but he wasn't exactly polite either. He, along with Marissa and the rest of his family had seen the cold way he looked at her, and then not to mention the fact that Raphael had gotten up half way though dinner and not returned. He had every intention of talking to his brother about it the next day.

Leo strolled into the kitchen to get something to drink before heading off to bed, and to his surprise, Raphael was sitting at the kitchen table staring at a glass of water in front of him so intently, it was like he expected it to fly off of the table at any moment. He then watched his brother take two pills, and then go back to staring at the glass. He was shocked Raphael apparently hadn't noticed him standing there in almost plain sight.

"Raph?" Leo asked curiously

Raphael's head shot up, and his face looked almost fearful once he saw his brother standing in the doorway. Raphael's mouth opened and closed a couple of times as if he had no idea what to say.

"What is it Leo?" he finally asked in a rather soft timid voice, which was very unlike the rough voice he normally used.

Leo couldn't do anything but stare at his brother unable to think of a response. What was up with Raph? He couldn't ever remember seeing him look so uncomfortable and out of place. Raphael was the kind of person who was always so confident and sure of himself. He was like the strong unbreakable rock of the family, and now here he was looking all scared and timid about something.

"Uh is something bothering you Raph?" all thoughts of scolding his brother for his earlier behaviour were gone for the time being.

Raphael's eyes widened fearfully once again, shocking Leo. "No nothin's wrong" he denied quickly.

Raphael stood up quickly and almost ran from the room. "I'm going to bed now" he muttered as he brushed past his brother leaving the kitchen.

Leo stood for a moment trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Raphael had been acting strangely for the past couple of days, and he was determined to figure out why.

-------

Raphael shut his bedroom door and went to his bed. He was angry at himself. He couldn't have handled that more badly if he tried. In fact he might as well have announced his new found love for his brother right there in the kitchen.

Growling softly as his stupidity, he threw back the blankets on his bed and crawled inside. He was determined to go move on from the whole thing and forget it ever happened. He didn't care what it took; he would force himself to forget about Leo.

Raphael eventually fell into a restless sleep where he naturally dreamed of his brother. In his dream Leonardo was hitting him repeatedly yelling at him for ever loving him, and calling him a sick freak. He eventually woke up panting hard, his skin soaked in sweat. Moaning to himself, he rubbed his face with his hands and drifted back off to sleep.

-------

The next morning, Raphael got up for morning practice, put on his gear and walked into the dojo. For those precious 10 minutes between the time he had awoken and walked to the dojo, he had in fact completely forgotten about his new feelings for Leo. However upon opening the door, and seeing his blue clad brother in the room alone going through the motions of a kata with perfect grace, the feelings all came rushing back like being hit with a bucket of ice cold water. His stomach fluttered with a mixture of nervousness, excitement and dread as his breath caught in his throat. He silently closed the door and walked away for a moment. He really needed to get a hold of himself before going in there. The last thing he needed was for everyone else to notice his suspicious behaviour. He was sure it must have been written all over his face last night when Leo saw him in the kitchen the previous night.

Taking a deep breath, Raphael set his face into its trademark scowl and stalked into the dojo full of confidence ready to get through practice and go on with his life like everything was completely normal and he had never developed forbidden feelings for his brother.

-------

Hmm I know this is a short chapter, but all the great reviews I got from the last one encouraged me to get another one up fast. I know that nothing much happened in this one and it's kinda slow, but the next one will be better I promise.

Please review.

Thanks.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Casey moaned to himself and stumbled out of bed. Someone was pounding at his living room window with a desperate urgency. Mumbling incoherently to himself, he wiped the sleep from his eyes and walked into the living room. To his great annoyance Raphael was sitting outside the window peering in.

Casey flung the window open "Whaddya knockin like that for? Usually you just come in"

Raphael shot him a glare "It was locked moron."

"Oh" Casey replied shrugging his shoulders. "Come on in then ya big lug"

Casey made his way to the kitchen with Raphael trailing behind. He opened up the refrigerator and grabbed a couple of beer. He tossed one to Raphael as they sat down across from each other at the table.

Raphael sat silently and absentmindedly stared at his beer. He wasn't even sure why he bothered to come by. True, he stopped by at night a lot, and he and Casey would often go out patrolling the city for criminals, but it was quite late out now. Much later than what they usually hung out.

Casey studied Raphael for a moment watching his friend stare at his beer and peel away at the label. He knew Raph, and there was something bugging him alright, but the problem was that Raph probably wouldn't want to talk about it. Or rather, Raph did want to talk about it, but he was stubborn and didn't open up about his feelings very well. Not that Casey could blame him; he was a lot like Raph in that way. Actually he was a lot like Raph in most ways.

"So what's buggin ya pal?" Casey asked his friend settling on the direct approach.

Raphael's head shot up and he stared Casey in the eye "Nothin's buggin me. I was out patrolling and felt like stopping by for a beer."

"Sure" Casey replied "Are they given ya a hard time at home?"

Raphael glanced up from his beer "Naw nothing like that. I told ya man, I'm fine."

Casey sighed. He really wasn't in the mood to pry something out of Raph that he clearly didn't want to talk about, but he decided to give it another shot "Lemme guess, is it girl problems?"

Raphael stared at Casey "Geez you just don't give up do ya?"

"Come on pal, I'm not as stupid as I look. Ya know that anything ya say to me stays between us right? I wouldn't even tell April"

Raphael shook his head. The thought of confessing to Casey his fucked up feelings for his brother almost made him laugh out loud. In fact if it wasn't so strange and surreal to him he would have possibly considered telling Casey just to see the look on his face. He was sure it would have been hilarious.

Raphael took a sip of his beer. "Its not girl problems"

"Is it guy problems?"

Raphael sprayed his beer across the table while sputtering. "Shit Casey, I ain't gay. Why would you say something like that?" he demanded angrily.

Casey shrugged "I dunno, I didn't mean anything by it. I was just joking Raph"

"Screw this" Raphael snapped "I gotta go anyway" he said getting up from the table forcefully almost knocking his chair down.

"Geez ya just got here. Sorry if I upset ya" Casey said bewildered at his friend's sudden outburst"

"Whatever" Raphael muttered as he left the room and climbed back out the window.

Casey shook his head as he watched Raphael retreat. What was up with him?

-------

A couple of hours after Raphael had stormed out of Casey's apartment, he was still wandering around the city. His pent up energy mixed with his lingering anger and confusion left him wanting to bust some skulls or do something. Why the hell did Casey think he was gay? He wasn't gay! Maybe he had some sick attraction to his brother, but damn it he wasn't gay! He was sure that his strange attraction could be chalked up to something simple like loneliness or god so help him if Leo found out, admiration.

He had been with women on a couple of occasions and knew that he was attracted to them, and he really enjoyed sex, so he was at a complete loss as to why he wanted Leonardo so bad. Moaning to himself, he realized he probably would have been better off if his attraction was at least directed at Don or Mikey. They didn't annoy him so damn much. Leo infuriated him most of the time. Why did he want the one person in the world he couldn't stand the most?

"_I'm so screwed up"._

After wandering around for awhile, Raphael found himself back in the same bar he was in several months ago where he vaguely remembered getting laid in the bathroom by some old cougar.

Pulling his trench coat tighter around his body and his fedora lower over his face as the waitress made her way towards his table, Raphael did a quick scan of the room. He bought a few beer, and when the waitress brought them to his table, he saw a familiar middle age woman sitting at the bar with her head in her right hand while the other was clutched so tightly to a glass of rum, he was sure it would shatter. Raphael continued to watch her with curiosity for a few moments before he realized she was the one he was with the last time he was here.

Frowning to himself, he decided to finish the beer quickly and get out of there. He didn't want her to spot him and look for round two. Raphael downed the drinks sitting at his table in a matter of minutes. Throwing some money down on the table, he stood up and walked quickly away from his table only to knock over a bar stool sitting close by the woman. It fell to the ground with a loud clatter which in turn drew attention of everyone sitting nearby.

"_Real stealthy ninja boy"_ Raphael scolded himself sarcastically.

He quickly made his way out of the bar not bothering to look and see if he had been spotted by the woman. He really should have known better than to drink so fast, because he realized he was really beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol. Raphael liked to drink occasionally, but his concern for keeping healthy and fit kept him from drinking very often.

Lost in thought, he stumbled along the ally way and didn't notice anyone had been following him until someone grabbed his arm.

Raphael spun around and grabbed the intruder by the neck, pinning them back up against the wall.

"That's right baby. I like it rough" came a voice with a hint of a scratchy quality.

Raphael blinked. Then it dawned in him that this was the woman from the bar. Frowning, he let the woman go and turned to walk away. Unfortunately the woman was persistent, and kept following him.

"Where ya goin hon? I thought maybe you might wanna play some more?"

"Go away" Raphael growled as he shot a glare in her direction.

She grabbed at his arm again trying to make him stop "Come on baby, you were the best lay I've ever had." She grinned.

"Look lady" Raphael snapped as he began losing patience "I just want to be left alone okay? So get lost"

"Come on honey" she pouted "I just wanna have some fun"

The next thing Raphael knew, she leaned forward and crushed her lips into his. He momentarily lost his balance and fell back against the ally wall. Her hand slid under his jacket, and her arm snaked around him. Raphael cursed himself and he found himself responding. He pulled her body close and returned the kiss. As his eyes closed, he put one hand on the back of her head, while the other sat on the curve of her hip. Just for one moment, Raphael dared himself to imagine that it was Leo's head his hand was gently caressing. It was Leo's plastron pushed up against his. It was Leo's fingers under his jacket exploring Raphael's body with light feathery touches.

The images filtering through his mind made his heart speed up, and his hands tremble. He was suddenly nervous, excited and turned on at the same time.

"Oh baby" moaned the hoarse voice.

Raphael's eyes snapped open as reality came crashing down with those words. The taste of cigarettes from the woman's mouth suddenly overwhelmed him. His hands were tangled in hair that should have been the tails of a mask. There were breasts crushed against his body, not the hard plastron he had imagined. What he doing? With a great shudder running down his spine, Raphael pushed the woman back away from him and gasped for air.

"What?" She snarled.

Raphael stared at her for a moment not knowing how to respond. Instead, he turned and ran. For the second time in his life Raphael was running. First he had run from his feelings, and now he was running from the woman on the street. How strange it felt for him to take the cowardly way out since he had always been the brave one ready to stand up and fight anything or anyone who crossed his path. Now he ran like a little girl.

-------

The next morning Raphael got up early and flopped down on the couch. He was staring at the television screen, but not really watching it. Instead in his mind he was once again trying to convince himself that none of this was real and he didn't love Leo.

"_Leo is a pain in the ass"_

"_I can't stand him"_

"_I don't love him."_

"Morning Raph" Leo said cheerfully as he walked through the living room area and into the kitchen.

"_Okay so maybe I do love him"_

_ -------_

Okay I sat down and wrote this chapter tonight, and thought it was longer than this, but oh well. Everything that I wanted in this chapter is here, so I guess its done.

Please review. I love reviews!

By the way, I have to send out a special thanks to all the people who have given me such great reviews so far. I love you all!


	6. Chapter 6

Once again, I want to thank everyone who has given me all these great reviews so far. I can't even begin to describe how happy they make me. You guys are so incredibly awesome!

Anyone else who reads this story please review it because when I get reviews I write more.

Thanks!

-------

Chapter 6

Leo was stretched out across Marissa's sofa. He watched her fiddle with the DVD player trying to get the movie she had rented to work. After several tries, she pulled the DVD out of the machine and flipped it over.

"Its all scratched up" Marissa complained "that's why it won't work"

"Oh" Leo replied "Well let's just watch one out of your collection"

With a sigh, Marissa pulled a random movie off of the shelf and put it in the DVD player. She sat down and cuddled next to Leo.

"Are you okay?" Leo asked noticing the irritated expression on her face.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just a little bored right now I guess"

Marissa was quiet for a moment before she turned around and looked at Leo. "You know there are other things we could be doing right now" she hinted as she began tracing lazy circles on his plastron.

Leo sighed and looked away "You know that I want to Marissa, and we will. But I just want the time to be right"

Marissa nodded. "Well do you want to go out or anything? Maybe we can find something to do that doesn't involve a lot of people."

"Sure. What did you have in mind?" 

"Well there is this great new nightclub my friend Amy told me about, and its dark so no one will notice you if you wear your jacket and hat"

Leo stared at her for a moment. Was she serious? "Uh Marissa, nightclubs kind of involve a lot of people, and plus I can't go to a nightclub, its way to risky"

"Leo you told me you've gone to bars before"

"Yeah low key bars where I can sit in a booth off from everyone else and not worry about being bothered. Nightclubs are packed with people. What if someone accidentally knocked my hat off or something?"

Instead of responding, she folded her arms across her chest and looked away.

Leo sighed "Well we could go to a different bar"

"No, I'm not in much of a sitting down mood"

"So then going to the movies is out of the question to?"

Marissa shrugged and remained silent.

"We could go walk through central park"

"I was already there today"

Now Leo couldn't help but feel a little irritated. What was her problem today? Was she going to throw a fit because he couldn't go to a nightclub?

"Look, why don't you call Amy and go with her to this club? We've been spending a lot of time together anyway. Your friends are probably feeling neglected"

"They're all busy tonight" Marissa replied.

She turned back around to face him "I know you told me you aren't ready to have sex with me, but you haven't told me why"

Leo rubbed his head tiredly. So that's what this was all about. "Marissa, I don't really have an answer for you. It just doesn't feel like the right time."

Gritting her teeth she looked away "Well you're the first guy I've ever had to convince to sleep with me"

Leo swallowed. He could feel anger burning in his chest. "Well I guess I'm not like most guys. I don't want to take advantage of you"

"Take advantage of me?" Marissa snorted "No one took advantage of me."

"Is that what the real problem is here Marissa? You want to sleep with me, or is it something else?"

"I thought maybe being with you would be exciting. I don't know why it's such a problem for you"

It felt like someone punched Leo in the stomach. He sat there momentarily stunned. Was that the real reason she wanted to sleep with him? It would be something exciting and new for her?

Then it dawned on him. What if that was the reason she was with him in the first place. Not just for the sex, but because she wanted a boyfriend who was different. Maybe she didn't really love him for who he was, she just loved the idea of him. He sat cold, not daring to move or to speak for a moment. It couldn't be true.

"Marissa" Leonardo croaked after a few moments of silence "why do you love me?"

She looked at him for a moment before replying "I guess because you are sweet, kind, fun to be around. I like the fact that you're different to"

An icy hand clutched at his heart "Different than most guys, or different because I'm a mutant turtle?"

"Both I guess"

Leo felt sick "I need you to be honest with me and honest with yourself Marissa. Do you really love me or do you love that I'm different?"

Marissa stared at him not really understanding what he was getting at "I love you Leo. I don't know why you're making such a big thing out of all of this though. Its just sex"

"I'm not talking about sex right now. I want you to look deep inside of yourself and figure out how you feel about me. In fact I should probably go so I can give you time to really contemplate on that"

"Go? Leo I just told you that I love you, I don't need to think about it. Geez what's your problem?" Marissa snapped.

Leo shook his head. This was unbelievable, why couldn't she take a moment and calm down and think about what he was asking. "Marissa we've talked about this before, but I think we need to discuss this again. I need to know if you're in this for the long haul or if I'm just wasting my time. I know that things don't always work out between couples and they break up, but if you really can't see yourself spending your future with someone like me then I have to know. You know that life with me isn't like life with a normal man. I can't take you out to nice restaurants or take you dancing. I can't buy a house. I don't even know if I can ever give you children. If these are things you want in life, then it would be selfish of me to expect you to stay with me."

"I don't want all of that Leonardo" Marissa yelled "I want to be with you. What the hell is your problem anyway? We've talked about this before"

"I know we have" he replied through gritted teeth "I just don't think you took it seriously. You aren't even taking it seriously now"

"Is this how it's gonna be from now on?" Marissa spat angrily "Every time I so much as mention the word sex you're gonna freak out and demand to know if I really love you?"

"Have you even been listening to a word I said?" Leo snapped back. His head was starting to pound. "Or have I just been talking to myself here? This conversation isn't even about sex anymore. Could you get off of that for a moment please?"

"Then I'm sorry, I just don't know what to say to you. I've been a loyal girlfriend; I think that proves that I love you"

Leo shook his head in disbelief. "So you're saying that because you haven't cheated on me, you must love me?"

"Well yeah I think that's pretty solid proof" Marissa yelled

Leo rubbed at his face tiredly. How could this have spiralled so out of control? "I can't handle this Marissa. I think I should leave now and give us a chance to think things through. I'll be back in a few days okay?"

"You're leaving?" Marissa growled "For a few days?"

"I think that we need to take some time and calm down so we can discuss this like rational adults. So yeah I think it would be best if I left"

Leonardo opened the window and started to climb out.

"Leo!" Marissa snapped as he had one foot out of the window.

He turned back and looked at her.

"If you leave right now, then don't ever bother coming back" she said calmly, ice dripping from her voice.

It felt as though someone ran through him with his own sword. This was all too much, too overwhelming. He couldn't help the tear that escaped as he stared into her cold hard features. This wasn't the woman he had spent the last 7 months with. This wasn't the woman who he fell in love with. Who was she?

"I was only trying to make things better" he said quietly "I wanted to do what was best, and now you're giving me an ultimatum? If I go now then you don't ever want to see me again?"

Marissa didn't respond. She stood silent and still glaring at him.

Leo looked at her, studying her hardened features for some hint of remorse, but could find none. He turned and climbed out of the window shutting it carefully behind him, and then he ran.

-------

The next morning at practice Leo didn't do so hot. Master splinter had left him in charge while he had gone out scavenging for supplies. Leonardo was snappy and short tempered with his brothers. He didn't mean to be, but he was hurting inside and hadn't slept all night long. Once practice was over, his brothers left the Dojo while he stayed behind. He normally put in some extra practice himself while the others went off to do their own thing. However, today he was too tired to bother putting in extra time, while on the other hand he was to angry not to.

He spied Raphael's punching bag in the corner, and decided that maybe that would be the best way to vent some of his frustrations.

He walked to the bag and gave it a hard swift hit. A cloud of dust burst off of the punching bag and hung in the air. That first hit had felt great. He hit the bag again and again repeatedly until he was too tired to continue.

Once he finally stopped, he clutched the bag for support as he lowered his head onto his arm. Before he had a chance to stop them, tears began to spill down his face. How could this have happened to him? He thought that he and Marissa had loved each other enough. His body began to shake and soon he found himself sinking to the floor with his head between his knees and his hands folded over the back of his head. He cried quietly as the silent tears showed no sign of stopping anytime soon.

-------

Raphael wasn't happy. He stormed around the lair looking for his dear fearless brother. He had been planning on going out that day, but Donatello had informed him that Leo gave him strict orders that no one was to leave the lair until their Sensei had returned. He was already in a bad mood as it was from Leonardo's snappy attitude from earlier that morning. Now he planned to give his brother an earful.

"Leo!" Raphael barked as he threw open his brother's bedroom door. The room stood empty and silent.

"Where the hell is he?" Raphael grumbled to himself. It was times like these why he couldn't for the life of himself figure out why he was in love with that idiot.

Raphael walked into the Dojo and didn't see his brother in there either. He turned to walk back out when he noticed Leo was in fact crouched on the floor by his punching bag with his head lowered between his knees.

Raphael stared at him for a moment wondering what his brother was doing. He had prepared himself to lay into his brother and deliver a speech about how Leo didn't have the right to try and keep him at home with no good reason, and how Master Splinter would be okay with them leaving while he was out. He was about to start yelling at his brother when he noticed Leo was shaking.

Puzzled, Raphael drew closer to her brother. He heard nearly silent sobs escaping Leonardo. Raphael felt his anger slowly draining from his body which was immediately replaced by overwhelming urges to either hug his brother or run and pretend that he hadn't just caught his Leo at his weakest moment. It somehow felt like he was intruding on Leo to see him crying like this, but he couldn't just leave him like that. Raphael wasn't sure what he should do. He wasn't good at the whole comfort thing, and if he tried he was afraid he might get caught up in the moment and do something stupid like try and kiss him. The thought of doing something like that terrified him beyond belief.

Raphael stepped closer to his brother, prepared to talk to him when Leo spoke.

"Just go away Raph" he snapped without looking up "If you want to leave the lair then just leave. I don't care anymore"

Leonardo waited for the angry reply that would surely come, but after a moment of silence, there was no response. Instead he felt a warm comforting hand rest on his shoulder.

He glanced up to see Raphael beside him staring at him with a hint of fearfulness in his eyes.

"I'm not here to fight with ya bro. I just want to know if everything is okay"

Leo shook his head. "No everything isn't okay"

"Want to talk about it?" Raphael asked gently.

Leo stared at his red clad brother. Raphael was being nice to him? He wanted to hear Leo's problems? His girlfriend dumped him? What kind of a parallel universe was this?

"Why?" Leonardo demanded "Why do you care now? It turns out you were right about Marissa. Want to rub it in my face? Here is a golden opportunity to kick me when I'm down Raph, I know how much you enjoy doing that"

Raphael felt some of that anger returning as he stood up and glared down at his brother. "I ain't tryin ta rub anything in your face Leo. I'm sorry your little girlfriend hurt you, but if your gonna be an asshole about it, then I'm outta here"

Leonardo rubbed at his face as he calmed himself.

"I'm sorry bro. I guess I'm just not handling it all that well" he said as he shot a weak smile at Raphael.

Raphael nodded "I guess I can understand that. I mean I'm usually the crazy one.

Leonardo chuckled lightly "Maybe at times, but your craziness makes me a much better leader, and probably a better person to."

Raphael raised an eyeridge at this. He had never heard Leonardo say anything like that about him before and was curious to find out what he meant.

"How so?"

Leo stood up and put a hand on Raphael's shoulder "You question me"

Raphael almost laughed until he saw the serious expression on his face.

"Well as far as compliments go, that was kinda lacking Leo"

Leonardo shook his head. "No it isn't Raph. When we are in battle and I make a judgement call, I'm only acting on what I think is right. I don't know if I'm making the right decisions. When you call me out on things that you don't agree with, it forces me to rethink strategy, even if it does seem crazy so to speak. It has saved us more than once you know."

"Oh well thanks bro"

"And that's not all Raph" Leo said looking down for a moment "I shouldn't have gotten so upset when you voiced your opinion on my relationship with Marissa. I guess you know more about relationships and girls than I realized. When you questioned me on that, I should have listened to your words and considered them. To make it worse though, I think that deep down I felt it to. I knew that my relationship with her wasn't right and never would be. Maybe that's why I wouldn't go all the way with her. I don't think that I ever fully trusted her"

Raphael suddenly felt horribly guilty. Maybe he had been right about Marissa, but it was for entirely different reasons than what Leo knew. Or even for what Raphael had known at the time. It was pure jealously. Jealously that he had hidden deep within himself.

Raphael shrugged "Yeah I was still a bit of an asshole about it though"

Leonardo laughed "Yeah maybe you were, but you know what Raph?"

"What?"

"I love you even though you can be a bit of an asshole sometimes. In fact I wouldn't ever change that about you. Don't let it go to your head, but sometimes I admire that quality in you. I wish that I could be carefree enough to tell it like it is."

Raphael half grinned at his brother, but inside he was recoiling from the harsh sting of those words. Leonardo said he loved him, but it was meant in a totally brotherly way. Raphael tried to swallow at the stubborn lump that had formed in his throat. He remembered that short time ago when he wasn't in love with his brother or at least hadn't realized it, and craved the thought of returning back to that feeling of blissful ignorance. Life had been so much easier for Raphael when a touch from Leo's hand would have had him brushing it off rather than basking in the electrical current that seemed jolt through him at the very touch. A smile from Leo would have most likely irritated him somehow instead of leaving him feeling warm and giddy like a stupid moron from a cheesy movie. God he really hated himself.

-------

Well that concludes this chapter. This story is turning out to be longer than I had originally planned, and now I'm not sure how long it will be. Oh well….

Please review :)


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Raphael laid in bed one afternoon listening to music as he thought of everything that had happened to him recently. It was still completely insane in his mind that he had somewhere along the way developed these forbidden feelings for his brother. He wished that he could go back to a simpler time, a time when he didn't notice the chiselled curve of Leo's jaw line, or the smooth skin that gracefully moved with the reflex action of his well muscled arms. Leo's body and spirit were the ideal of total perfection. Although Raphael knew deep down that it wasn't true, Leo had his flaws like all of them, he had nevertheless always felt that Leo had tried to be the perfect son never doing anything wrong in his Sensei's eyes. These were the things that he had been jealous of at one time, but now he realized he had gotten over it and in its place, a spark of admiration had taken its place and he no longer found this quality something to resent in his brother. Raphael had not been fully aware of how great this admiration had become, because here he was now, wondering if he actually loved this about Leo.

Leo's face haunted him in his sleep taunting him, enticing him, driving Raphael further over the edge of love and lust then he had come to realize. Now here he was obsessing over his blue clad brother, wanting to hold him down and taste every inch of his green skin. In the beginning, Raphael would have given up these feelings in order to feel normal again. Back to a time when he and Leo were brothers and nothing more, but now that Raphael was getting in deeper and deeper, he knew that there would never be a chance to go back again. He was already in over his head, but a part of him loved that. He was torn between the feelings of being in love and his own self loathing for his attraction to his brother. It hurt him deep inside knowing that Leonardo would never feel the same way about him, but on the other hand, he had never been in love before, and cherished those moments when their hands would touch, or they would share a smile, or when their eyes would make contact, even for the briefest moment.

Of course, things had been easier for Raphael since Leo and Marissa had broken up. He at least didn't have to worry about catching them in the act like he did before. The problem was that even though Leo was free, Raphael knew that he could never reveal his true feelings to his brother. The fear of rejection was too great. He knew that Leo would be horrified if he learned of Raphael's true feelings, and would probably hate him for it. That thought hurt Raphael more than he could begin to fathom. Even if by some miracle Leo did feel the same way, he knew that Leo wouldn't touch him without the approval of Splinter and his other brothers. Raphael was sure that they would be disgusted at the thought of the two of them together, and he honestly couldn't blame them. Prior to these new found feelings, Raphael was sure that if any of his brothers would have come to him and confessed their undying love for each other, he likely would have freaked out at them. In the end he probably would have accepted it, but even though they weren't blood related, they were still brothers and that counted for something.

Raphael rubbed at his face with the palm of his left hand as if trying to wipe the thoughts from his head. He knew that dwelling on this wasn't helping the situation at all. He really needed to put this out of his mind and concentrate on other things. Already his confusion had started to take a toll on him during practice, and everyone seemed to notice as they kept pestering him to tell them what was wrong.

In fact, in his stupor Leo had hit him in the head during practice that morning because he had failed to block an easy attack Leo had sent his way. He just wasn't able to focus. His family had been shocked at when that happened and swarmed him. Raphael had wanted to scream at them to leave him alone, but he knew that would do more damage than good, so he forced himself to keep his mouth shut and bite down on the inside of his mouth, leaving what he was sure would be permanent teeth marks.

-------

Marissa sat by the window of her apartment waiting. She was so use to Leonardo being there each night, she had almost forgotten that she banished him from her life a few days ago. With a sigh of frustration, she let her head fall forward and bump lightly against the cool glass.

She absentmindedly watched the fog pattern grow on the glass with each warm breath as she wondered if he would come back to her. She really did love Leo, but he was being stubborn. Maybe she had been a little harsh when she told him to stay away, but she honestly didn't think that he would have taken that too seriously. People said things when they were angry that they didn't always mean, but she wasn't the type of girl to wait around either.

Marissa glanced at the phone and wondered for the hundredth time if she should give him a call or not. Maybe it was best to leave him for a few days like he had originally wanted so that they could cool down a bit before talking.

Marissa sat up as she heard the front door open.

"Hey" a male voice called from the kitchen "I hope you like Chinese"

David walked into the living room holding a couple of take out boxes and some plates.

"Mmmm, I love it" Marissa replied smiling.

David leaned forward and planted a light kiss on her lips and handed her a plate "Let's eat"

-------

Surprisingly, Leonardo had found these last few days after he and Marissa had ended their relationship easier to get through than he had expected. He knew that his family would be supportive, but what was really surprising was how his hot tempered brother was acting towards him. He was being nice, really strange and a little tense, but nice. Leo chalked it up to Raph feeling guilty about the way he had acted before. They were able to talk in a civilized manner without being each other's throats for a change. It wasn't as if they were sharing their deepest darkest secrets with each other, but he had been unusually kind to him since he found out about Marissa.

As much as he enjoyed this new found peace he and Raphael seemed to have acquired with each other, Leonardo couldn't help but wonder if he would have to soon duck and cover for the Raphael sized explosion which he was worried might happen someday. Leo sighed to himself, maybe he was reading to far into it. Raphael's temper really had improved a lot in the past couple of years, and he felt somewhat guilty in assuming the worst.

Whatever the reason was behind it, he was glad to know that Raphael seemed to be taking his feelings into consideration and going easy on him for a change. Hopefully if they kept this up, someday Raph would be able to open up to him a bit and maybe they would be able to grow closer as friends. He knew that Raph and Mikey were really close, as were Mikey and Don. He couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy that he had never established more of a friendship connection with any of his brothers. He knew that it probably had to do with him being the leader. He was often forced to be the bad guy and force his brothers to do things they didn't want to do. Of course Raphael had always been the worse by far when it came to challenging his authority, but on the other hand, if something were to happen to him, he expected that it would be Raph who would probably step into the role of leader. He often thought Raphael would be a great leader if he learned to control his temper, and was please to see that lately he had been improving. He just hoped it lasted.

-------

Raphael was sitting in the lazy boy next to the sofa in the living room. On the sofa Leonardo, Splinter, April and Casey sat while Don took the rocking chair opposite of him and Mike was sprawled out on the floor with a few pillows. It was movie night, and this time it was Casey's turn to pick the movie. Not surprisingly he had picked out some cheesy western like he almost always did. Towards the end of the movie, Raphael's attention span was rapidly declining and his eyes began wandering the room aimlessly until they rested upon Leonardo. Raphael felt his pulse pick up and the sudden warmth that traveled his body left him slightly tingly.

The changing colours of light from the television danced across Leonardo's skin altering its green colour from pale shades to darker ones, and Raphael found himself staring. In fact he was gazing at him for so long he didn't realize Leo was looking back at him with a questioning look on his face. Raphael tore his gaze away and glued his eyes to the television just as the credits were rolling across the screen. He felt his face heat up, and he prayed that he didn't have a dopey look on his face when he was checking Leo out.

Casey got up and ejected the DVD from the player and Raphael swallowed hard as he dared to take his eyes off of the television. As he glanced back at the sofa, he was surprised to see the hard, yet concerned look his father was giving him. Raphael suddenly realized with horror that his Splinter must have also noticed Raphael staring at Leonardo. He mentally kicked himself and tried to act as normal as he could. Sudden paranoia set in so he pulled a sai out of his belt and began to play with as casual as possible as he suddenly felt like everyone in the room was looking at him and reading his every thought.

"_Oh God"_ Raphael thought to himself _"Okay there's no reason to panic here. Just act normal, you didn't do anything wrong"_

"Raph!" Mike screamed in Raphael's face.

Raphael nearly jumped out of his shell as he dropped his weapon on his leg cutting himself right above his knee.

"Jeez Mike what the hell are ya doin? Trying to give me a heart attack?" Raphael snapped at his younger brother as he inspected the cut. It barely broke the skin, so there was no blood.

"Dude I said your name like 10 times and you didn't answer me" Mike replied in an exasperated tone.

"Are you okay?" Don asked from across the room.

Raphael then noticed that everyone in the room was indeed staring at him.

"_Ah Shell"_ he thought to himself.

"What is it Mikey?" Raphael sighed ignoring Don's question.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to stay up with me and watch another one"

"Another one what?" Raphael asked stupidly.

"Leo how hard did you hit him in the head?" Mike asked looking back and fourth between Raphael and Leonardo.

"_If you only knew"_ Raphael thought bitterly.

"I'm fine Mikey" Raphael said clueing in that Mike was referring to the movie he was holding in his hand "Yeah I'll watch it with ya".

Raphael really wanted to get out of there and go to bed, but at the same time he knew that taking off for the cover of his room would leave them even more suspicious, and plus he also knew that it would more than likely provoke Leonardo to follow him back to his room and question his strange behaviour. It almost frightened him how much the thought of him and Leo alone in his room with Leo being all concerned turned him on. That scenario would be bad indeed, so staying out here at least until Leo was down for the night was probably the best idea.

"Well we're gonna head out" Casey said as he and April picked up their jackets and headed for the door.

"I'll see you guys later" April called out as they left.

"Bye April" Don called back.

Raphael raised an eye ridge as he noticed how his purple clad brother stared after April with an almost dopey expression on his face. It then dawned on Raphael that Donnie had a crush on April. How come he never noticed that before? Raphael sighed to himself. What he wouldn't give to have a nice, normal healthy crush. He made a mental note to ask Don about it later.

Splinter, Don, and Leo all got up and left the room going to bed. He and Mike both made their way to the sofa and sat at either end as the movie began to play.

"So um is everything okay with you Raph?" Mike asked. "Cause you've gotta admit dude, you've been acting kinda strange lately. It's starting to freak me out"

Raphael rubbed at his temple tiredly. Of everyone he knew, he hated lying to Mike the most. Mike was his best friend in the world, and he knew things about Raphael that no one did. When the two of them were off alone, away from everyone else, they were able to drop the acts and be themselves with each other, knowing that there wouldn't be any judgments from either side. Raphael didn't feel he had to hide behind his rough exterior, and that he could say what was bothering him. Mike had once confessed to Raphael that he loved his role as the care free happy one of the family and wouldn't trade it for anything, but sometimes he wished that he could drop the act and be serious without being stared at like he had three heads. He also had said that being that way had earned him the title of youngest brother even though they were all the same age, which led to the family treating him as such. This normally didn't bother Mike because it meant he got away with more, but when it came to making serious decisions, he was often treated like he didn't know what he was talking about. Raphael knew that when they were younger teens, he was guilty along with his brothers for treating him that way, but once they had grown closer and he realized there was a lot more to Mikey then what met the eye, he resolved to take his brother more seriously. Sure he still liked to tease his brother, and Mike often still annoyed the crap out of him, but he now knew that Mike had a whole other side that no one knew about.

Raphael thought about Mike's words for a few moments and wondered what he should say. He knew there was no way he could say he had feelings for Leo, but he wondered how Mike would react if he confessed he was attracted to guys. Telling Mike that much would be safe and it would be a huge relief to get that off his chest. Plus he knew that Mike would never tell anyone.

"I've had a lot on my mind bro" Raphael replied. He was surprised at how nervous he was feeling.

"Well tell old Mikester what's bothering ya"

Raphael drew in a deep breath "Well it's kind of hard to talk about"

"You know that anything you say stays between us right bro?" Mike reassured him.

"Yeah I know, but this is pretty big"

Instead of provoking him to keep going, Mike sat patiently waiting for Raphael to talk on his own terms.

Raphael drew in another deep breath and folded his arms across his plastron. _"Ah the hell with it"_ he thought to himself.

"Well it's like this bro, I think I like men" he said boldly looking Mike directly in the eyes with a hard look a determination on his face.

Mike blinked.

"Mikey?"

"Wow" Mike said stupidly "Well I've got to admit I didn't see that coming, but there's nothing wrong with that."

"So it doesn't freak you out?"

"Naw of course not bro. It doesn't change who you are. Being gay isn't anything to be ashamed of"

Raphael thought on this for a moment. "Well I'm not sure if I'm gay either"

Mike blinked again.

"Are you bi?"

"Yeah I think maybe I am. I still think women are hot"

"Well that's a bit of a relief bro, because I was worried I lost my favourite girl watching partner. Well of course we can go guy watching to. I'll do my best to find some hot studs for you." He grinned.

Raphael threw a pillow at Mike and laughed at his brother. Telling Mike helped a lot, and he was glad Mike was being normal and light-hearted about it instead of trying to press him into getting all deep and talk about his emotions.

"Don't worry about that Mikey, I'm not sure I could handle guy watching with you. We'll stick to the ladies"

Mike grinned "Just offering bro"

A sudden movement behind them alerted their attention, and they both jerked up to see Leonardo walking by them on the way into the kitchen.

Leo flashed them a nervous grin "um…I'm uh just getting a glass of water then I'm going right back to bed"

Raphael felt his heart sink. He knew that Leo must have heard them because he was acting strange and guilty. He was a terrible actor.

"Dude I think he might have heard our conversation" Mike whispered after Leonardo disappeared into the kitchen, confirming Raphael's suspicion "cause he's acting funny"

"Oh god" Raphael said covering his face with his hands "this can't be happening."

Mike bit his bottom lip "It'll be okay Raph, Leo won't judge you for it. In fact I don't think anyone will have a problem with it"

"Oh shit" Raphael said ignoring Mike "Oh shit, oh shit"

"Why are you getting all bent out of shape over Leo finding out? It's not like you want Leo or anything"

Raphael tensed visibly and his breath hitched.

Mike watched him confused for a moment when it suddenly dawned on him "HolyfuckingcrapyouwantLe…" Mike babbled incoherently before Raphael tackled him to the floor and clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Shut up moron" Raphael hissed looking around the room wildly to see if anyone was standing around watching or listening to them. "Yes okay, yes I do, but you have to shut up or everyone else will know to" he whispered harshly.

Mike nodded his head wide eyed. Raphael took his hand off of Mike's mouth and helped him up. A moment later Leo walked back out of the kitchen, flashing them another nervous grin while he headed back towards his room. Once he was out of sight, Mike grabbed Raphael's arm and dragged him out into the sewer tunnels away from their home where they could talk in private.

"Dude do you seriously have a thing for Leo?"

Raphael groaned as he rubbed at his face. This day couldn't possibly get any worse. "Yeah Mike its true. So do ya hate me for it?"

Mike looked stunned for a moment "No of course I don't hate you Raph. I'm pretty shocked, but I don't hate you. You're my bro and my best bud"

"Thanks Mikey. But if you ever tell anyone so help me…"

"I won't say anything, but I got to know, how did this happen? Oh man that's why you freaked out when Leo said he had a girlfriend is it?"

"I don't know how it happened Mikey, I didn't even realize it when he said he had a girlfriend. At the time I wasn't sure why I was so upset by it."

"When did you figure it out?"

"The night he brought her over, I saw them making out on the couch. All I could think about was ripping her to shreds"

"Oh man this is…whoa"

"Yeah I'm still having a hard time with it. He's my brother for Christ sakes! I'm sick!"

Mike thought about this for a second "Actually he's not really your brother. We aren't actually related, so it's not so bad"

Raphael stared at Mike in disbelief "Not so bad?" he repeated "This is a freaking nightmare Mikey! Maybe we aren't blood related, but we still think of each other as brothers. We were raised as brothers. Master Splinter would disown if he ever found out and Leo would probably hate me for it"

Now it was Mike's turn to stare in disbelief "I think your underestimating them a bit Raph. Give them more credit then that. I think Sensei would understand if you went to him about it and as for Leo, he would never hate for loving him. He may not feel the same way, but you'll never know if you don't try."

Raphael laughed "Mikey are you seriously saying that I should tell them? Are you freaking nuts?"

"I'm saying you should give it some thought, because you can't keep something this huge bottled up. You'll explode dude"

I can't believe we're even having this conversation" Raphael said exasperated "This is unreal. Look bro, I can't tell you how relieved I am that you are taking it so well, but get it through your head, I sure as shell ain't gonna tell them."

"Now come on" Raphael said clapping Mike on the back of his shell "Lets get back before someone comes lookin for us"

-------


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Marissa jolted backwards from David's lips in surprise "David what the hell?"

David swallowed nervously and bit at his bottom lip. "I'm sorry I did that, but I really couldn't help myself" he explained feebly.

Marissa stared at him wide eyed for a moment "What do you mean you couldn't help it? You know I have a boyfriend"

"I thought you dumped him?"

"We had a fight, but he'll be back"

"Marissa you told him to never come back. What makes you think he will?"

"He has to! He can't let one stupid little fight keep us apart"

David took Marissa's hands in his and knelt in front of her. "How long have we been friends?"

"I dunno a couple of years I guess"

"You know that I've always been crazy about you Marissa. You know that we belong together."

Marissa stared at her friend. She had often wondered in the past what it would be like if he was her boyfriend, but things had never happened between them. Lately they had been spending a lot of time together, but she still missed Leo. She wasn't even sure if they were still together or not. On the other hand she couldn't deny that David's surprise kiss was a little exciting for her.

David stared at her hopefully as she chewed at her bottom lip.

"I don't know about this hon. I really want to work things out with Leo. I love him."

David sighed in frustration. "What is it with you and this Leo guy anyway? You got into one argument and he ran off like a little bitch! Plus the fact that he refused to meet me or any of your other friends? What's up with that? It's a little strange if you ask me" he huffed.

Marissa rolled her eyes "We've been through this a hundred times David. I told you he has his reasons"

"Jeez like what? Is he some sort of criminal? What could possibly keep him from wanting to socialize a little bit?"

"He's not a criminal" Marissa snapped beginning to lose her patience

"Well then what's the problem? My god you're my best friend and you can't even trust me a little here?" His light green eyes shone in anger, but underneath it all there was a hint of hurt, neglect and jealousy.

Marissa looked away and began to pull at the frayed edges at the bottom of her jeans. She hated and loved it when David gave her that look. It was so penetrating. It didn't matter if his eyes were happy, sad, or angry, it was always as if he could look deep into her soul at a glance and uncover her deepest thoughts and her darkest desires.

"Look I made a promise to Leo and I can't go back on that" Marissa replied refusing to look into David's eyes.

David placed one hand on her left cheek and gently moved her face back towards his. "You know that you can trust me no matter what right?"

Marissa nodded her head.

"So if you ever need to talk then I'm here"

-------

Leonardo had just walked back into his bedroom and silently closed the door behind him. He felt strangely awkward and wasn't sure what to do. He had just heard the tail end of a conversation between Raphael and Michelangelo and wasn't sure what to think. He was positive it was Mikey he heard saying something about going guy watching and finding some studs. Then Raph had said he couldn't handle going guy watching with him. They had been speaking so low that he only caught a few of the words, and normally Leo would have brushed it off as only them teasing each other, but the deer caught in the headlight's look that had come from both of them when he entered the room suggested to him that he had heard something he shouldn't have.

Leo plopped down on his bed and stretched out across the mattress. Shell, his little brother was gay? That was a lot of information for him to process. It wasn't as if it was a problem for him, but it was definitely something he didn't expect. Leo tried to think back if there was a time when there had been some sort of indication, but he really couldn't think of anything. Mikey had always been crazy about women as far as he could remember. Of course that may have been a cover up, or maybe he was bisexual. It bothered him when he remembered the look of terror on his little brother's face when he realized that Leo had heard part of the conversation. Had he distanced himself so much from his brothers that they felt they couldn't come to him with their personal problems? Did Mikey really think that Leo would judge him or be angry with him over it?

Leo rolled over onto his plastron. He wondered if he should bring it up and talk to Mikey about it. It hurt that Mike had looked so scared, that Leo wasn't sure what to do. He didn't want to intrude and make Mike feel like he had to talk to him, but it was a wake up call for him. It wasn't even so much the fact that Mike didn't come to him with his problem, but it was the scared look on his face when he realized Leo had heard the conversation. He needed to spend more quality time with his brothers. Not as their leader, but as their brother and as a friend.

-------

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Gritting his teeth, Leonardo rolled over in bed and blindly fumbled with the alarm clock on his night stand, trying to shut it off. He really wasn't in the mood to get up so early because he had spent most of the night tossing and turning as his mind refused to shut off. Leo rubbed his face in a failed attempt to wipe the sleepiness away. He sat up in bed and swung his legs over the edge touching his feet against the cold floor beneath him. He shivered at the shock from complete warmth to the freezing cold, and longed to crawl back into the heat of his blankets. Sighing to himself, he put on his eye mask and the rest of his gear, and picked up his katana up off of the floor from beside his bed. He knew that immediate action was needed on his part, but wasn't sure how to go about it. With a deep sigh, Leo got up and made his way out into the kitchen for breakfast.

Mike was in the kitchen already cooking up a storm when Leo entered. Mike shot him his most winning smile. "Morning dude" he greeted.

"Morning Mikey" Leo responded.

Michelangelo turned back to his pancake batter and began stirring vigorously. Leo watched him for a few moments wondering what he should say next. He wanted to spend some quality brother time with Mikey, but to his shock he wasn't quite sure what to say. Why was it suddenly so hard for him to think of something Mikey would want to do with him? Mike was probably the most easily entertained out of all of them, but the longer he watched his brother go through the motions of making breakfast, the more he realized he didn't know Mikey very well anymore. Leo was completely sickened by this revelation. He knew that he had distanced himself somewhat from the others, but it never occurred to him that he didn't even know them anymore. When along the way had he become so wrapped up his role as leader that he hadn't even realized they were more like roommates to him and not family? He had spent most of his spare time with Marissa, and wondered if he had let himself get so distracted by her, that he forgot the most important people in his life.

Leonardo took a deep breath. "Hey Mikey"

Mike glanced up at his older brother.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go with me tonight to pick up the groceries April got for us."

"Urm that sounds like fun and all bro, but there is a movie marathon on TV tonight that I want to watch."

Leo bit at his bottom lip "Oh what movie is that?"

"Nightmare on Elm Street" Mikey exclaimed excitedly.

Leo almost laughed "Nightmare on Elm Street? Shell I haven't seen that movie since I was a kid"

"Neither have I. That's why I gotta watch it dude, they're showing the movies starting after supper and going all night."

Leo thought on this for a brief moment. Of course asking Mike to accompany him to April's was pretty lame because he was unable to think of anything else, but watching an all night movie fest with Mikey would be a way to spend some time with his brother, even if he had no real interest in what he considered cheesy horror movies. "Maybe I'll join you once I get back from April's place. I'll make it a quick trip"

Michelangelo stared at him in shock "You want to watch horror movies with me?"

"Um yeah…"

Mike walked to his brother and placed a hand to Leo's forehead "Okay who are you and what have you done to with my brother?" he asked in mock seriousness.

Leo stuck his tongue out at Mike "Aren't you just the funny turtle this morning?"

Mike shrugged "You hate horror movies"

"No I don't" Leo argued.

Mike raised one eye ride and shot Leo a look of disbelief.

"Yeah okay I do" Leo agreed "but it's different when watching a movie from my childhood"

Mike grinned "Fer sure"

-------

Raphael made himself comfortable on the sofa after supper. Mike was sitting beside him happily munching on some popcorn all the while making a complete mess as bits of popcorn fell out of his mouth, rolled down his plastron and settled on the sofa or tumbled to the floor.

Raphael shook his head and rolled his eyes. "You're cleaning up after yourself"

Mike ignored him and continued to stare vacantly at the television. As soon as a commercial came on Mike turned to him and set the popcorn down on the coffee table. He glanced around to make sure no one was around "Look dude" he whispered "Leo was actin' all funny this morning, and he said he wants to watch movies with me tonight"

"So?" Raphael replied not bothering to whisper back.

"He wants to watch horror movies with me. All night long."

Raphael raised a questioning eye ridge and shrugged his shoulders.

"Jeez dude you can be so dense sometimes" Mike said rolling his eyes dramatically.

Raphael shot him a glare and folded his arms across his chest.

"Leo hates horror movies. I think he heard us last night and he wants to talk to me about it!"

"Ah shell" Raphael said smacking his forehead. He felt his heart sink "Don't tell 'em nothing" he whispered threateningly.

"I ain't gonna tell him, but what should I say?"

"I don't know!" Raphael cried out loud.

"Shhh" Mike whispered scowling.

"Oh right" Raphael said sheepishly glancing around to ensure no one was around.

"Um if he asks just say we were joking around I guess. We didn't say anything about him before he came out, so he doesn't know that I was talking about him, so just be cool okay?"

Mike nodded in agreement and then his attention drifted back to the television as his movie began to play again.

Raphael wanted to scream or cry or hit something. How had things gotten so out of hand? His stupid feelings were going to be the death of him if he didn't find a way to block them…and soon.

Suddenly the phone started to ring. Raphael got up and walked to the kitchen where he picked up the portable phone sitting on the kitchen table. A quick glance at the caller ID revealed it was Marissa calling. Raphael swore to himself and gritted his teeth. He stared at the ringing phone in his hand as he debated whether or not he should answer it. Instead he put the phone back down on the table choosing to ignore it. _"To hell with her"_ he thought bitterly to himself _"Leo doesn't deserve that shit"_

Don suddenly came into the room and swiftly picked up the phone just before the last ring cut off. He set the phone back down not bothering to check and see who it was calling. As he glanced up, he did a double take when he saw Raphael standing a few feet away at the kitchen sink.

"Okay" Don said slightly confused "Why didn't you pick it up?"

Raphael only grunted in response.

Don stared at his brother "Uh huh. Sorry bro but I don't speak that language" he said as he picked up the phone and searched the caller ID history.

"Oh" he responded when he saw who the last caller was "I get it now, but you do understand if Leo decides to get back together with her, then we need to respect his decisions right?"

"I ain't gotta respect that. That's bullshit and you know it!" Raphael snorted "You know she ain't no good for him. Come on, where does she get off treatin' him like garbage? I swear I'll kick his ass if he even so much as thinks of touching her again"

Don's eye's widened for a moment. Raphael had always been protective of his family, but this was going a bit overboard. In fact Raph wasn't usually as protective of Leo as he was with himself, Mike or even Splinter. Don knew it was probably because he and Leo fought so often, and Leo was the leader. Admittedly Don wasn't too fond of Marissa at the moment after the way she had treated Leo, but he knew that couple's sometimes fought, and people made mistakes. So why was Raph suddenly so angry when Raph himself had said much worse things to Leo than what Marissa had said?

"Uh is everything alright Raph?" Don asked rubbing the back of his neck. Trying to get Raphael to open up about his feelings was challenging at best "I understand why you're mad at her because I am to, but um well I guess well…"

"Spit it out Don" Raphael snapped.

"Why are you suddenly feeling so protective over Leo? It's a little strange"

Raphael looked slightly surprised "He's my brother Don. I'd feel the same way if anyone did that to you or Mike"

Don nodded his head. He didn't buy it, but he knew that it was the best answer he was going to get out of Raphael.

He started to make his way back out into the living room when the phone rang again. He looked up and caught Raphael's glance at the same time. Don walked to the table and picked the phone up and glanced at the caller ID.

"It's her again isn't it?" Raphael growled.

Don nodded his head and then answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hi. Is this Donnie?"

"Yeah"

"Would Leo be there?"

"No he's not. Can I take a message?"

"Um no, I'll call back"

"Okay then…" Don replied awkwardly after a brief moment of silence "Bye"

"Bye"

Don hung up and glanced back up at Raphael who was fuming. Don could almost literally see the steam rising out of his brother's head.

"Are you sure you're okay bro?"

"I'm fine" Raphael snapped as he stormed out of the kitchen and made a beeline to his bedroom.

Don sighed and shook his head. He never quite understood his hot headed brother. He went out into the living room where Mike was glued to the television, plopped down beside his brother, and set the phone down on the coffee table.

"Hey Mikey?" Don asked after a moment.

"Shhh" Mike hissed waving his hand at the TV. "Can't talk, watching movie" he said incoherently.

Suddenly to Don's surprise, the phone started ringing again. Picking it up he saw that once again it was Marissa calling. Rolling his eyes Don picked the phone up again.

"Hello?"

"Hi it's me again Donnie"

"Hey" Don replied "What can I do for you?"

"Um well I was just wondering if you knew if Leo had his cell phone on him? I tied to call it, but there isn't any answer"

Don rubbed at his face tiredly "Uh well just a sec and I'll check" he replied taking out his own cell phone and dialing Leo's number. He heard the faint ringing of Leo's phone coming from his bedroom.

"No I can hear it ringing in his room" Don said.

He heard an agitated sigh on the other end of the phone.

"I can take a message if you would like" he offered again.

"No that's okay, I'll try again later" she replied before hanging up.

Seconds later, Raphael came walking back out of his room and stood in front of Don. "Was that her again?"

Donatello nodded.

"Jeez that girl needs to get a life" Raphael mumbled as he made his way into the Dojo.

After Raphael disappeared, Don turned back to Mike "What's with him?" he whispered.

Mike looked at him questioningly "Whaddya mean bro?"

"Why is he freaking out over this Marissa thing? I mean come on; Raph clearly hated her before he even met her. He has been crazy protective over Leo this whole time. I think he'd slit her throat if he had the chance. I don't like the way she treated Leo, but come on, I think she deserves another chance."

Mike suddenly looked nervous and tore his gaze away from Don. "I don't know what ya mean bro" he mumbled.

"Mikey you suck at lying. What the shell is going on here?"

Mike fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat and began to panic inside. "_crapcrapcrap_" he thought to himself as he tried to think of a good lie and quick. Don was right; Mike did suck at lying, especially to Don, the human lie detector.

"Raph is protective of all of us" was the best thing Mike could think of to say at the moment.

Don raised an eye ridge "yeah, this I know, but it doesn't answer my question"

Mike could feel the beads of sweat breaking out on his forehead as he tried to ignore Don's penetrating gaze, and focus on the movie.

Suddenly the sweet sound of the telephone ringing again, breaking the silence was enough to make Mike want to grab the phone and kiss it.

Don looked at the phone in disbelief "It can't be" he muttered before leaning over and picking it back up off of the coffee table.

Looking at the caller ID once again, he saw that it was indeed Marissa calling for the fourth time in less than an hour.

"Dude I think Leo has a stalker" Mike said looking half frightened and half amused.

"Looks that way" Don agreed as he answered the phone just in time to see Raphael storming into the living room.

"Hello?"

"Hey Don sorry to bother you again"

"Um that's okay Marissa" he replied just before the phone was snatched out of his hand from Raphael.

"No it's not okay Marissa!" Raphael snapped into the phone "We're not Leo's damn answering service. We're gonna take a message from you this time, and if he wants to talk to you, he'll call you back. If not, then it's over and you can quit calling here! Got it?"

Quiet sobs were the only reply on the other side of the line.

"Oh for god's sake" Raphael growled as he pulled the phone away from his ear and glared at it in his hand like a thing of disgust. Putting the phone back to his ear, he took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down a bit.

"Look" he said through gritted teeth "I shouldn't have yelled, but we got better things to do then play phone tag with you all day. I'll make Leo call you if you promise to stop calling"

"O…okay" came a shaky tear-filled reply.

Raphael rolled his eyes and hung up, not bothering to say goodbye. He really had no clue what Leo saw in that girl. She didn't seem like his type at all. _"Then again"_ Raphael thought somewhat sadly _"it's not like I'm his type either"_. Raphael growled lowly and mentally hit himself for thinking such stupid sentimental shit.

He stalked off into the kitchen ignoring the wide eyed stares coming from his brothers as he searched for a pen and some paper.

-------

It was only 7:00 that evening when Leonardo left April's apartment and headed back to the lair. As he walked through the entrance Raphael came storming towards him. Leo almost automatically went on the defence just before Raphael stopped short in front of him and shoved a piece of paper into his plastron.

"What's this?" Leo asked confused.

"A phone message" Raphael snapped.

Leo looked at the piece of paper his brother gave him, and almost fell over with shock to see that Marissa had called.

"If you don't call her back I'll go see her myself and shove that phone of hers down her throat" Raphael growled.

Still shocked and confused that Marissa had called him, he was even more puzzled by Raphael's outburst. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"She's called here for you four times in the last stinkin hour Leo! Why the hell didn't you bring you cell phone with you? At least then she wouldn't have been bothering us"

"Calm down Raph. I didn't think she would ever call me again"

"Whatever" Raphael mumbled rolling his eyes "I just don't wanna ever hear or see that girl again"

Leo raised an eye ridge "Why not?" he asked out of sheer curiosity.

Raphael's scowl softened ever so slightly "Because you deserve better than her" With that Raphael turned and left Leo standing at the door, clutching the piece of paper in his hand.

Leo sighed as he looked back down at the paper. A sudden wave of sadness washed over him as he recalled the last time he and Marissa had seen each other. He felt a sudden longing to hold her in his arms again, and bury his face in her coconut scented hair.

He wondered if he should give her a call again. She had said some hurtful things to him before, but perhaps he was being too hard on her. People always said things they didn't mean out of anger.

Leo rubbed at his temples in wishing that he could sort this out easily. He wanted to call her and work things out, but something in the back of his mind was still telling him that this wasn't right, and that he should stay away from her.

"_Gah"_ Leo thought to himself _"why does this have to be so damn hard?"_

He made his way out into the living room where he saw Don and Mike whispering something back and fourth.

"Hey guys" Leo called out.

Don turned around and waved at his brother, while Mike jumped up and looked wildly between Don and Leo, clearly nervous about something.

"Something wrong bro?" Leo asked.

"No…nonono. Everything is okey dokey" Mike babbled.

"Okay…" Leo responded with a shrug as he turned and walked towards his father's room.

"Enter" called the voice of Splinter before Leo even had the chance to knock. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he wondered for the thousandth time how his father did that. He opened the door, and light spilled out into the hallway.

"Kneel my son" Splinter said gesturing to the cushion opposite of him.

Leonardo walked in and quickly bowed to his father before settling on the cushion.

"Something is troubling you?"

"Yes father. It's Marissa, she called me and wants to talk to me"

"And this does not bring you happiness?" Splinter asked.

"I don't know Sensei. A part of me wants to, but something else is telling me that it isn't right"

Splinter nodded in understanding "Tell me Leonardo, do you believe this part of you telling you it isn't right is out of fear or out of wisdom?"

Leo glanced up at his father questioningly "What do you mean Sensei?"

"I do not wish to see you push love out of your heart out of fear of rejection or heartache, because that is something that everyone must endure at some point. As difficult as it can be, it is a part of life and in the end it makes us stronger. But if a part of you truly believes this is not right, then maybe it is your heart's way of telling you she is not the one for you"

Leo sighed in frustration "But if she's not the one then who is? Besides Marissa, April is the only girl I know. How will I ever find the right woman if I never meet anyone?"

"Ah my son, I think you need to meditate on your current situation, for it is up to you to decide if Marissa is the truly one for you"

Splinter then stood and walked to Leonardo's side and placed a furry paw on his shoulder. "And if she is not the one you have been looking for, then remember, I firmly believe that in time love will find you in one form or another"

"Yes father" Leonardo responded quietly.

-------

Leonardo was sitting in the lotus position on the bamboo mat in his bedroom. The candle light that flickered made distorted shadows dance across the walls of his room. He was trying to mediate as his father had suggested, but was unable to concentrate. His mind was racing with thoughts of Marissa. The more he thought of her the more he missed her. It was frustrating for him because he had been doing okay. He had come to terms with the fact that she never wanted to see him again. However, once he found out she had called for him, he couldn't get her out of his mind, and the thought of calling back made him nervous.

With a growl of frustration, Leo gave up and blew the candle out sending him into complete darkness. He got up and turned on the lamp and sat on his bed. He pulled out his cell phone and glared at it with determination as he silently debated on whether or not he should call.

Drawing in a sharp breath of air, Leo dialled Marissa's number and waited for her to pick up. After the fifth ring, he was about to hang up when she answered.

"Hello?" Marissa said on the other line.

"Hey" Leo said after a moment of hesitation.

"Oh Leo is that you?" Marissa asked excitedly.

"Uh yeah. Raph said you called"

"I need to talk to you Leo"

"About what?"

"I'd rather not talk about it on the phone. Can you come see me?" Marissa pleaded.

"I don't think that's a great idea Marissa"

"Why not?" Marissa pouted.

"Look if there is something you need to say, now is the time"

Marissa sighed in frustration. "Leo I wanted to say I was sorry. I made a terrible mistake when I yelled at you, and I was wondering if you could forgive me. I want us to be together again"

"Marissa" Leo sighed as he rubbed his forehead "I can forgive you, but I don't know if getting back together is the right thing to do. At least right now"

Quiet sobs on the other line made his heart break "W…why not? I don't understand."

"Things are complicated right now and I just need some time to think things through"

"Leo just tell me now. Will we ever be together again?"

"I really don't know for sure Marissa" Leo said quietly after a moment "but right now I honestly don't think so"

More sobs greeted him over the phone "Fuck Leo, you just said you could forgive me. I made one mistake and now you're punishing me for it?"

"Marissa I'm not trying to punish you. I just don't think that things are right between us. I can't see it ever really working out, and I don't want to hurt you"

"Well you're doing a shitty job at that" Marissa wailed in his ear.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know what else to tell you."

"You know what Leo? You're an asshole!" she screamed before hanging up on him.

Leo hung up his phone and tossed it onto his night stand. Moaning to himself, he put his head in his hands. That phone conversation didn't go at all the way he had hoped. A sick feeling settled into the pit of his stomach. Did he do the right thing? Or was he making a huge mistake?

Pushing all the thoughts out of his mind, he glanced at the clock on his night stand. It was already 9:30 at night and he had told Mikey that he was going to watch movies with him that night. Leo stood up and walked to the living room where he joined his younger brother.

-------

Marissa was shaking all over as she starred at the phone in her hand. She had never felt so angry, betrayed and sad all at once. How could Leo do this to her after all she had done for him? She had loved him, been there for him, waited patiently for him, and after she made one tiny little mistake he threw it all away and had the nerve to say that he forgave her but it would never work out?

She stood up and with an angry yell she hurled the portable phone across the room as hard as she could. It hit the wall behind her sofa with a satisfying crack as the battery cover and batteries flew out of the phone and landed a few feet away. A good size dent was left in the wall, but she didn't care.

"The hell with Leonardo! The hell with it all!" She screamed to the empty apartment. Anger and hatred filled her soul as she thought of everything Leonardo had put her through. She couldn't let him get away with this. If he was going to toy with her emotions like this and hurt her like she didn't matter, then she would hurt him right back.

She stormed over to the other phone hanging on the wall and dialled David's number with a shaky hand.

-------

At 2:30 in the morning, Leonardo could barely keep his eyes open. As far as Mike was concerned it might has well have been 2:30 in the afternoon. He was wide awake and full of energy. Leo had thought it was because Mike was so excited about the movie marathon, but in reality Mike knew that Leo wanted to talk about what he had heard the previous night, and he was nervous.

Leo was a master of many things, among being a master of stealth and secrecy. In any situation dealing with enemies such as the foot or purple dragons, Leo always kept his cool and knew exactly what to say or do in order to obtain information and knowledge. However when it came to his family he couldn't have been more obvious if he tried. For some strange unknown reason, Mike along with the rest of the family realized at some point that Leo didn't seem to realize just how terrible of an actor he was when it came to them. It was quite funny really, and Mike probably would have laughed at the way his brother keep looking at him all concerned and asking him strange personal questions all night if it wasn't for the fact he had to keep Raph's secret from getting out, especially to Leo of all people.

"_Shell there has to be something I can say or do to get big brother off my back_" Mike thought as he bit at his bottom lip. What exactly did Leo want from him? Shouldn't he be corning Raphael about this? Mike considered this for a moment and decided no, Leo probably came to him because he knew that talking to Raph about this would likely set off an explosion. Between Leo and Don and their suspicions, they were going to make Mike turn grey. Well if he had hair he would turn grey.

Maybe if he just told Leo that they knew he heard the conversation from before and that everything was under control and okay, Leo would back off. Mike knew there was no way he would buy Raph's lame "we were joking around" excuse. Leo might have sucked big time when it came to extracting information from his family, but he would never tell a secret. Mike considered this for a moment and then was struck by a sudden realization. Maybe Leo didn't suck as much as he thought, because here he was ready to give Leo information on the situation.

"_What a sly bastard"_ Mike thought with a smirk as he shook his head. _"The whole thing was probably on purpose"_

"Leo" Mike said after awhile.

"Yeah what is it Mikey?" Leonardo said as his head shot up.

"Look there is something you should know, but first I need you to swear that this conversation is never spoken of to anyone."

"You know I would never repeat anything you say Mikey" Leo promised.

"What you heard last night, ya know the conversation between me and Raph. Well it's true"

Leo's mouth opened and closed a few times. He had no idea what to say.

"What do you mean Mikey?" he finally asked.

"You know, the whole gay thing you heard us talking about"

Leo slowly nodded. "Okay Mikey, I'm glad you told me. I just want you to know that…." He started before he was interrupted by Mike.

"Whoa" Mike said putting up a hand towards his brother "I just want it to be clear right now that I don't want to discuss this with you or anyone else. As far as I'm concerned this conversation is over bro."

Leo was slightly stung by this but nevertheless shut his mouth, and instead opted to rest a reassuring hand on his brother's shoulder. He hoped that Mikey would get the message that he was okay with whatever decision Mike made, and would keep it a secret.

-------

The following evening Raphael was in the dojo practicing by himself. The flickering candles that lined the wall dimly lit the room.

Leonardo had gotten up to use the bathroom when quiet sounds coming from the direction of the dojo had caught his attention.

Silently he crept along and peeked through the crack of the door, and to his surprise he saw Raphael practicing alone. He was about to turn and walk back to his room, but something made him stay and watch for a moment. There was probably only three or four other times Leonardo had seen Raphael practicing alone after everyone else had gone to bed, and each time he had been more than impressed by the perfection his brother had shown. It was almost like watching someone else entirely. When they sparred with each other, there was no doubt that Raphael was a highly skilled ninja, but he had a temper to go along with it which sometimes interfered and as a result he got himself or someone else hurt. But when Raph was here alone, he was doing it for himself and no one else. It was these times when Leo watched Raphael go through the motions, he was not only fascinated by the level of skill his brother displayed, but he felt great admiration as well.

The flashing metal of his twin Sais sliced through the air at a speed that was hard to keep up with. Raphael leaped, kicked, punched, jabbed, and rolled in perfect timing and with perfect grace. Leo was suddenly aware that he was spying on something that wasn't meant for his eyes. This was clearly a moment Raphael had intended to be alone in, and now Leonardo was embarrassed and felt like he was intruding.

Slowly backing away, Leo turned to creep silently back to his room when to his utter horror, he felt his feet go out from under him and he fell backwards, his shell hitting the floor with a loud crack. Looking around wildly, he realized he had stepped on Michelangelo's skateboard.

"_Stupid stupid stupid stupid ninja"_ Leo thought angrily. How could he have been so clumsy?

A moment later, Raphael came bursting out of the room with a frightening look on his face. Leonardo braced himself for the explosion as he scrambled to his feet. He was sure Raphael would be pissed once he realized Leo had been watching him.

He waited.

Raphael blinked.

He kept waiting.

Raphael blinked again.

Leonardo cocked his head a bit.

Raphael grinned.

This time Leonardo blinked. He was really confused.

"Um whatcha doin' Leo?" Raphael asked after a moment with something close to amusement in his eyes.

"I was uh going to the bathroom when I heard someone in the dojo…"

Raphael raised an eye ridge "Were you spying?"

"Spying? No um no Raph I uh wasn't spying, I was uh just making sure it um wasn't an intruder or anything" Leo held his breath for a moment. _"God help me, that so was lame. Why am I so embarrassed right now? What the shell is my problem?"_ Leonardo thought angrily.

"Uh huh" Raphael responded disbelievingly "Well there ninja boy, you had better practice your hiding skills cause if I really was an intruder, I would have been alerted by your oh so stealthy skills"

"Oh shut up" Leo muttered.

Raphael shook his head and a grin tugged at the corner of his mouth "Well I'm goin' topside for a bit."

"Raph it's after midnight. It's too late to go out now" Leo responded going into leader mode.

"So what? It's 12:30. I'm only going out for an hour or two. Nothin' I haven't done a thousand times in the past"

"Why do you always have to fight with me on this? You know I'm going to sit here and worry about you"

Raphael considered this for a moment "Okay then fearless, come with me"

Leo stared at his brother in disbelief. He couldn't remember the last time Raphael had asked him on one of his crime busting sprees. Usually it was Casey or sometimes Mike that went with him. Of course they went on exercise runs together, and went out when they were fighting organizations like the foot or purple dragons, or even just for a night out to relax, but never on the vigilante escapades that Leo had never approved of to begin with. He wasn't sure how to respond.

"Well whaddya say? Ya comin or not?"

Leonardo thought on this for a moment. He really didn't want to get in on Raphael's crime busting, but on the other hand, at least he would be able to watch Raphael's back and feel better knowing nothing bad would happen to him, and plus it would give him some of that brotherly bonding time he wanted to spend with each of them.

Shrugging his shoulders, Leonardo gave a nod "Yeah okay, I'll go with you"

Now it was Raphael's turn to stare in disbelief. "You actually surprised me there bro. I never thought in a million years you would want to come." Raphael grinned "Let's go then fearless."

-------

Hey everyone!

Well this chapter is longer than the others so far. It was a hard one to get through because I wasn't sure what I wanted to write, so I'm hoping that it came out okay in the end. I'm not really sure that I like it. I dunno it just seems as if the whole story is moving to slow or something.

Oh and uh reviews would be really really appreciated…


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Donatello came out of his room and glanced around at the empty lair. He had heard a loud crash followed by Leonardo and Raphael exchanging words only seconds ago. It was strange that they had seemed to disappear so suddenly. He knew that they hadn't gone back to their rooms because their doors were both wide open with no one around. Don popped into the kitchen to grab a drink of water, and then checked out the dojo. It stood empty as well. Don figured that Raphael must have gone out as he frequently did at night, but he was puzzled as to where Leonardo had disappeared to. Frowning to himself he made his way back to his own room. The secretive behaviour that his brothers had been displaying lately was beginning to irritate Donnie. It was bad enough that Raphael and Michelangelo were clearly up to something, but now Leonardo was also beginning to act strange.

Don flopped out on his bed and mulled the thoughts over in his head. Leonardo was also proving to be a real challenge to figure out. Just that day he had spent a good deal of time in the lab just hanging around basically doing nothing except for asking a bunch of pointless questions about how his inventions worked and how he built them. Not that Don minded having his brother hanging around, but it made it really hard to concentrate with the non stop talking. Not to mention the fact that Leonardo's apparent boredom had led him to permanently ruin the already broken microwave beyond all repair when he had taken a practice swing with his katana and accidentally put the blade directly through its door. He really had no idea how Leonardo's strange behaviour fit into the equation. It was baffling to say the least.

Raphael's weird over protectiveness of Leonardo was the most baffling thing to him. It was true that Raphael was instinctively protective over all of his family as they all were with one another, but that was usually only over their enemies and their battles with them, not over a relationship. As a rule Raphael probably wouldn't give a shit over things like that. Heck, as far as Don knew Raphael probably had a girlfriend himself.

Don chewed at his lip and he thought more on that. Suddenly he remembered several months back to the reaction Raphael had when he found out that Leonardo had a girlfriend. Basically he had freaked out going on about how no girl was going to stick around with a mutant. For some unknown reason, Raphael had decided to hate Marissa before he had even met her. It suddenly struck Don that Raphael probably didn't have a girlfriend, not if he had that attitude towards relationships and females.

As Donatello thought on it more, he absentmindedly twisted the tails of his purple mask through his fingers. There was something more to it than that. Something that Michelangelo clearly knew about. His nervous behaviour and outright refusal to acknowledge the topic was a dead give away. He knew that Raphael and Michelangelo were quite close and that Raphael was more likely to confide in Mike than anyone else in the family, so whatever it was, it was likely Raphael's secret that Mike was keeping. The question was what was he hiding?

--

Raphael jumped across the rooftop and came to a rest once he landed. Leonardo landed quietly behind him curiously glancing around and wondering why his brother had came to a stop. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he was enjoying himself. It had never occurred to him that just getting out of the lair would help clear his head of his guilt and sadness over what had happened between him and Marissa. Leonardo took a deep breath and slowly let it flow from his mouth as he leaned up against the ledge of the roof, taking in the glittery beauty of the Manhattan skyline.

Raphael walked towards the doorway to the rooftop and opened a small compartment off to the left side of the door. He pulled something out and tossed it towards Leonardo. Leonardo caught the object in midair to find it was a trench coat and fedora.

"You keep this hidden here?" Leonardo asked somewhat amused. "Why? You have a coat at home"

"Sometimes I decide to hit the streets while I'm out and I don't feel like going all the way back to the lair" Raphael explained.

"Okay so that doesn't explain why you keep two overcoats out here" Leonardo said glancing at the coat Raphael was in the process of putting on.

Raphael rolled his eyes and walked to the edge of the roof "Are we gonna stand here and discuss this all night or are you comin?"

Leonardo grinned and shook his head "Yeah I'm coming. So where are we headed exactly?" he asked as he put on the coat and hat.

"Just come on" Raphael relied impatiently.

Leonardo sighed and followed his brother from the roof to the ground below. It always made him a bit uneasy to be on ground level for too long. He knew that his brothers all felt the same way. It left them feeling vulnerable and exposed and they were constantly on the lookout for people who might try and harm them. Pulling the brim of his hat over his face, and shoving his hands into his pockets, he walked beside Raphael out of the alley way and onto the sidewalk.

--

Marissa angrily paced back and fourth waiting for David to show up. Last night he had come by when she called him and she had told him everything about Leonardo. Who, or rather what he was, and why they had broken up. However, David didn't exactly believe her, and was convinced she was having some kind of break down from stress. Being the friend he was, he gave her something to help her sleep, put her to bed and camped out on the couch all night to watch over her.

In that moment, came a knock at her door. Marissa rushed over and flung it open to see David standing in front of her.

"You know" David began to lecture "you don't have a peep hole in your door so you really should ask who is there before you open the door. This is New York after all"

"Oh spare me" Marissa mumbled as David walked in past her.

"So how are you feeling today hon?" David asked putting a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm fine" Marissa replied pulling back slightly so his hand fell away.

"Do you remember last night telling me that Leonardo was a giant mutant turtle?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Of course I do. That's why I asked you back over actually." She said gesturing towards the kitchen chairs. I have something for you."

David sat down across the table from Marissa as she handed him an envelope.

"What's this?" David asked curiously.

"Just open it" She urged.

David opened the envelope and pulled out the object inside. To his complete and utter shock, it contained pictures, a few of them in fact, of a humanoid turtle wearing a blue bandana around his eyes, sleeping on Marissa's couch.

David blinked and shook his head slightly. "Are these real?" he asked suspiciously.

"Yes they're real" Marissa responded impatiently. "In fact I forgot I even had them. I took them a few months ago while he was asleep. He wouldn't let me take his picture because he was worried what would happen if anyone ever found them, so I waited until he was asleep to take some."

"Oh" David replied "Well why did you do it if he asked you not to?"

"No particular reason. I just wanted to have a picture of my boyfriend to keep to myself I guess. But now they might have some other potential uses"

"I'm assuming that you printed these off yourself and didn't get them developed somewhere then" David said chewing at his bottom lip thoughtfully.

"Of course" Marissa replied watching David closely "Fuck, if I didn't know better, I would think it sounds like you're actually concerned about what happens to Leo."

"Marissa" David said softly "I am concerned, but mostly for you. You were in love with this guy, and now you seem like your bent on hurting him just because you aren't getting your way."

Angry tears sprung to Marissa's eyes as she glared across the table at her friend. "I thought you were on my side!" she snapped in annoyance.

"I am!" David cried grabbing her hand and looking into her eyes "I'll do whatever you need me to do, but I just need to be sure you're okay"

"I'm okay" Marissa assured David with a smile. "I just need to know that you'll help me out with something."

"Just name it hon, and I'll do what I can".

Marissa's mouth curled into a smile "I knew I could count on you".

--

Raphael carefully scanned the sidewalks to make sure no one was around as he crossed the street with Leonardo beside him. He was bringing Leonardo to a quiet bar for a few drinks that he been to a couple of times. He preferred his usual spot, but now that was out of the question as long as the crazy woman whom he had slept with months ago hung out there.

The two of them made their way into the bar, and found a dark booth at the back of the room where they were nearly hidden from the small gathering of people standing at the bar.

"So do you come here often?" Leonardo asked out of curiosity after the waitress had brought their beer to the table.

"Naw, I've only been here a couple of times actually. I just thought you might like to have a drink to unwind a bit. I've seen how tense you've been since the whole thing with Marissa went down."

Leonardo wasn't sure how to respond so instead he nodded. He couldn't believe Raphael had taken notice to something like that and went out of his way to try and make Leo feel better about it.

After a few beers, Raphael and Leonardo were both feeling rather relaxed and they found themselves reminiscing about the past and laughing hysterically over the crazy stunts they and their two brothers had pulled over the years.

Leonardo wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes. "Remember the time when Mikey started fiddling with Donnie's gadgets and he pressed the button that navigates the battle shell to our location, and it completely trashed the lair."

Raphael snorted with laughter. "I thought Donnie was going to rip the shell off of Mikey's back and beat him with it"

"I think Sensei wanted rip the shell's off of both their backs." Leo chuckled as he took a sip of his beer.

Raphael found his grin fading to a soft smile as he noticed how much more relaxed his brother seemed.

Leonardo put his beer down and glanced around the room. He looked back to Raphael and was slightly startled by the small smile on his face. Raphael was looking at him the way he had the night Casey and April came by and watched that movie with them. Leonardo wondered if maybe he had something on his face that was somehow amusing, and quickly wiped at it with the back of his hand.

The sudden movement Leonardo made brought Raphael out the trance he was in, and to his horror he realized he was smiling stupidly at Leo again.

Raphael cleared his throat and nervously started peeling away at the label on his beer. More than anything, he wanted to look back up at Leo and tell him how he was falling in love with him, but he knew that saying it would destroy their brotherly bond, and potentially hurt the family, so he kept it inside. He couldn't have any of the things he wanted in life as it was, why not add one more thing to the list? The only problem was that not being able to have Leonardo the way he wanted was beginning to hurt much more than all of the other little things.

Raphael shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he tried to push those thoughts from his head. He already horribly embarrassed for smiling like an idiot again, he didn't need to start with the corny thoughts to add onto it. He sighed to himself as he took another drink and continued their conversation. Maybe he couldn't have Leo, but hoped he at least helped his brother to forget Marissa for one night.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: *Grins sheepishly* Um well I've been neglecting this story for so long that I don't know if anyone is actually interested in reading it anymore, but I will continue. After I suffered from writer's block, I had lost interest in the story (BrainFogBetty gave me some good advice on how to get over my writers block, and it actually worked out quite well). However, I had a couple of people who were clearly frustrated with me for not updating it for so long, so I realized immediate action had to be taken, and I had to get back to work on it. I really understand how annoying it is when someone abandons a story half way through.

I have to admit that when I went back and read through everything I had written so far, there are a few chapters, particularly the ones from the beginning that I am not overly happy with. I kind of think that the writing seems to fall flat in some parts. At this point I probably won't do much with them except fix some grammatical errors. I did go through the first chapter and tried to make it flow a bit better, but I hardly changed it at all.

So, I dedicate this chapter to everyone who reminded me to continue with this fic, and to everyone who is still interested in reading it. :D

Here be the newest chappie:

Chapter 10

The walk home was mostly silent, and Leonardo was somewhat puzzled by this. He stole a few glances towards his hot headed brother, wondering what was clearly bothering him now.

Shortly before they left the bar, Raphael seemed to have taken a vow of silence. It was strange considering that they were getting along and actually having a good time. Raphael didn't appear to be angry or sullen, which was the mood that usually accompanied his silence. Rather, he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. In fact, Leo couldn't help but wonder if Raph even remembered he wasn't alone. Shaking his head to himself, he decided it was best not to try and figure out what was up with his brother. These things were usually best left alone.

Soon, the two of them walked into the entrance of their home, and after saying goodnight to each other, they both headed off in their own direction.

---

As he stood in the kitchen, looking for a late night snack, Raphael replayed the night in his head and mentally kicked himself for being so stupid and so careless. What the hell did he think was going to happen? That they were going to have a few laughs and suddenly Leo would realize how much he wanted him? Did he really think the key to Leo's heart was taking him out to a bar and drinking liquor? And then there was that fucked up moment when he stared at Leo with that love sick look on his face, like that night they were watching that movie. Leo saw him doing that both times. Yup that was just fucking brilliant, good old turtle luck running true to form.

Suddenly, Raphael heard someone standing behind him. He turned to find Donatello leaning against the doorframe with that look in his eyes. The one that said 'I know something's up and I will not rest until I have answers'.

Raphael sighed to himself. Donatello was literally unstoppable when he became like that. Once, Raphael had accidentally trashed his motor cycle when he was trying out some new stunts on it. He had tried his best to fix up the damages, and then stored it away to keep Donatello from seeing the evidence until he had the chance to get his hands on some equipment to completely overhaul the bike.

Right, like that ever would've worked.

Two days later when Don found the bike stashed away, he became like an unstoppable force of nature in his questioning Raph. One morning, Raphael had found his brother in his room, staring down at him in such a disapproving way that it even rivalled Leo's glares. He had actually gone as far as to remove the barricade Raphael had proudly installed in front of his bedroom door, complete with locks, bolts and chains. Of course, that left Raphael baffled as to how he managed to get past all of that. It was information that Don refused to give up.

"What's up Don?" Raphael asked tiredly, really not in the mood to get into it with his brainy brother.

"I don't know Raph, I was hoping you would tell me what was up." Don replied in a way that indicated he was in for it now.

"Fuck Donnie. What do ya want? Just spill it."

Don stared at his brother for a moment wondering the best way to approach the subject without Raph going off on him. "Look, I'm just worried about what's going on around here. Everyone is acting so strangely, and I think you know why."

"I don't know what you're talkin' about" Raphael mumbled, suddenly not so hungry any more.

"Raph I think it has to do with all this drama around the Marissa incident. You're keeping something hidden, and Mike is in on it."

Raphael felt the blood drain from his face. He had to get out of the room fast. Although he realized that bolting out of the room would, without a doubt, raise Don's suspicions even more, he couldn't stand being questioned on a topic that was so fragile to him at the moment.

"Jeez Don, just get off my back okay? I don't know what the fuck you're goin' on about, and to be perfectly honest I don't care, so I'm goin' to bed."

With that, Raphael brushed past his brother and started towards the safety of his room.

"I think I know what's going on Raph" Don said after him.

"Let it go Don" Raphael replied with a warning in his tone.

"Raph, wait" Donatello said urgently as he caught up to his brother and placed a hand on his arm to stop him.

Raphael shrugged his hand off, and continued on his way.

"Raph…do you have feelings for Leo? More than the brotherly kind?"

Right then and there, Raphael felt his heart stop beating in his chest as he came to a sudden halt. It was a moment before he could get his mouth to form words. "What did you say?" Raphael whispered without turning around.

He heard his brother cautiously approach him from behind. "Look, Raph I'm not going to say anything if that's what you're thinking. I would never say anything to Leo or anyone else, and I'm not upset at you, but are you after him?"

Raphael couldn't bring himself to face his brother. Now Don knew? Was there some fucking parade that announced his deepest secrets to the world? Fuck! Did Leo know?

"Raph" Don said softly, not wanting to damage the situation. "Please talk to me. You can trust me you know"

"Does Leo know?" Raphael asked quietly without facing his brother.

"No, no. Leo has no idea" Don assured him, shocked that Raphael was actually confirming his suspicions.

Raphael sucked in his breath and turned to face Donatello.

"Raphie, look" Don started unaware of how badly this was affecting Raphael. "I just don't want you to get hurt bro. I don't think that going after Leo would be a very good idea. He might not react well if you tell him."

At those words, he wanted to hit Don so badly, Raphael could feel his fist's shaking at his sides. What the fuck did Don think was going to happen? Did he think that Raphael saw a potential relationship with Leo? Did he not see that Raphael knew exactly how badly this could spiral out of control if Leo ever found out?

"Get out of my face Don. Now!" Raphael spat.

Don looked at him shocked. He didn't realize that he had pushed his brother too far. Without another word, Don nodded in understanding, and backed off.

Raphael turned on his heel and stalked off to his bedroom, where he shut the door and collapsed on his bed.

After awhile, Raphael finally gathered up enough ambition, and moved towards the edge of his bed where he sat and removed his weapons and eye mask.

He groaned to himself as he dropped his face into his hands. He couldn't keep this up any longer. He didn't have the strength to keep pretending he didn't have these feelings anymore, which he was doing an incredibly crappy job at anyway. Thank god Leo still appeared to be blissfully ignorant as to what was really going on. Mike knew, and now Don had figured it out. He wouldn't doubt it if Splinter knew all along, so it was only a matter of time before Leo put it all together.

The most important thing now was that he could never let Leo know what he was feeling. Not only did it scare him more than anything else imaginable to face the utter horror of his brother's outright rejection, but the thought of having to face him after the said rejection, knowing that their bonds of brotherhood and their new found friendship would be completely destroyed.

With a great shudder, Raphael raised his head out of his hands and stared blankly at the wall in front of him. He knew what he had to do. He had to gain control over his emotions and figure out a way to deal with his problem before he brought destruction to the rest of the family. He had to leave for awhile until he got his head straightened out. Raphael resolved to talk to his father in the morning about taking off on his own for awhile. He wouldn't reveal his reason for wanting to leave, but he would stress the importance of it in hopes that Splinter would realize how strongly Raphael felt about it.

-----

Raphael woke up the following morning, his head pounding from the tormented and confusing thoughts that refused to leave him, even in sleep.

With a sigh, he forced himself out of bed and put his gear back on for the day. He wanted to talk to Master Splinter before breakfast, so he hurried himself along, hoping to catch his father in his room before the day began.

As Raphael stood outside of his father's door, hand ready to knock, Splinter called out for him to enter before he made a move.

In spite of his foul mood, Raphael couldn't help but grin to himself at the trait that he use to find annoying in his younger days when he would try and sneak out of the lair without his father knowing. Of course, his dear old dad always seemed to know what was going on around him, and Raphael got caught almost every time. It was funny how something that use to piss him off so much, he now found endearing in the old rat.

Raphael opened the door and closed it behind him. He stood in front of his sensei and bowed to him.

"Kneel my son" Splinter gently ordered.

Raphael dropped to his knees in front of his father, realizing he had no idea how he should approach the subject.

"Something is bothering you Raphael?"

Raphael nodded his head, feeling nervousness and dread slither through his stomach. "I'm havin' some personal issues" he finally said after a moment of silence.

"What kind of personal issues?" The old rat inquired.

"I'm kind of goin' through something emotionally…well…I don't really know how to explain it, but I have some things that I have to work out on my own for awhile." Raphael supplied, praying his father wouldn't ask for any deep explanations.

"I see" Splinter said stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Were you thinking of dealing with these problems away from your family and home?"

Raphael lowered his gaze for a moment before meeting his father's eyes again "I think that it would be for the best Sensei"

"And how long do you think you will need to deal with your inner conflict?"

At this Raphael had no good answer. He had never been in love before, much less with his own brother. How long did it take to get over something like that?

"I don't really know. Two months. Maybe six, or possibly a year."

"A year?" Splinter repeated, his ears flattening back against his head. "Where were you thinking of going to resolve the problem you are facing?"

Raphael shrugged "I don't know. I thought I'd just travel around for awhile."

Splinter looked thoughtful once again. "How would you feel about going to stay with the Ancient One for awhile? I feel that he may be able to help you in your quest, as he helped Leonardo in his. He would also be able to provide you with further training in ninjitsu."

Raphael thought on this for a moment. It actually seemed like a much better plan than just roaming aimlessly around the country, brooding the whole time. "Yeah that actually sounds like a great idea Sensei"

Splinter nodded in agreement. "I will contact the Ancient One and make the arrangements"

Raphael looked at his father, relieved that he was so understanding, and not asking a lot of questions. "Thanks" he said gratefully.

Splinter stood up, walked to his kneeling son and placed a furry hand on his shoulder. "I understand that you need some time my son. I only hope that you have thought this through, and are looking to resolve your inner conflict, not run from it."

With that, the old rat hobbled out of the room, leaving Raphael still kneeling, as he thought about that for a moment. Yes he was running, there was no doubt about that, but he also wanted to get away so he could resolve the problem. That is, if it's possible to resolve something like this. But he had to leave. This wasn't the kind of thing you could bring up and talk about over a nice family discussion. Letting Leonardo know what was really going on inside would be a devastating blow. In fact, his brother would probably end up hating him for it. Could he blame him for it? No, Raphael wouldn't be able to live with the looks of disgust his brother would surely give him. He felt he had two choices. Either he did something to rid himself of these feelings, or continued to live under the same roof as Leo until he found out the truth. If it came to that, Raphael knew that he would have to leave permanently. He wouldn't be able to spend his life living under the same roof as Leo knowing how much he loathed him.

With a sigh, Raphael picked himself up, far from ready to face the day.

-----

Later that evening, Leonardo found himself actually bored. What did he use to do with his evenings before Marissa came along? He had done some light reading, meditated, cleaned around the lair, visited with his father, and helped Don out on his latest project earlier in the afternoon. A couple of hours ago, he had done some additional practice, showered, and now he was sitting in front of the television, unable to concentrate on the mindless babbling.

He really had to get out for awhile. "Hey guys" Leo said trying to get Mike and Don's attention.

"Uh" Mike grunted in response.

Leo rolled his eyes "Do you guys want to go out for a bit? Go for a run, or play ninja tag or something to get out of this place?"

"Na" Don responded, not really listening as his eyes stayed faithfully glued to the television.

"Oh for the love of…" Leo relented throwing his hands in the air. If there was one thing both Mike and Don had in common, was their utter devotion to corny super hero movies.

With a sigh, he got up and soon found himself standing in front of Raphael's room. With a light knock on the door, Leo waited for a response.

"Come in" a muffled voice called out.

Leo pushed the door open, and to his surprise, Raphael appeared to be cleaning his room.

"Feeling ambitious?" Leo asked with a teasing grin.

"Uh well, I'm just trying to get things in order." Raphael answered as he glanced back down at his belongings that were slowly finding their way back off of the floor and to their original spots.

"In order for what?" Leo chuckled "I think this is a first"

Raphael glanced at his brother, and then guilty looked away. He had to find a way to tell his brothers that he was going to be leaving them for awhile. Shell that was going to be hard.

"Hey so I was wondering if you wanted to head topside with me for awhile?" Leonardo asked, leaning against Raphael's door frame.

"Um yeah, sure why not?" Raphael agreed. He dropped his arm load of junk back on the floor and grabbed his sai. "Let's go"

-----

After awhile, the two brothers were once again standing on a rooftop after running for several miles.

Leonardo glanced at his brother who seemed to be unusually quiet that night. "Is something bothering you Raph" Leo inquired "You're so quiet tonight. Same as last night after we left the bar."

Raphael took a deep breath. He knew he had to tell his brothers he was leaving, but for some reason he felt he should tell Leo first in private. He didn't know if it was because Leo was their leader, or because it was Leo he had fallen for, or even possibly it was because Leo was the reason he was leaving. Whatever it was, he felt he at least owed it to his brother to let him know before the others.

"I'm leaving for awhile Leo"

"Leaving?" Leonardo asked puzzled as to what Raphael was talking about.

"Yeah, I'm going to Japan to stay with the Ancient One for awhile." Raphael said as he glanced up from the glittering city skyline to see the shocked look of his brother was giving him.

"Japan? The Ancient One? Why?" Leo asked, completely floored as to why his brother wanted to leave the clan.

"I have some complicated shit that I need to work out, and I just need some time away for awhile" Raphael replied, unsure if telling Leo right now really was such a good idea.

"For how long?" he demanded.

"That's the thing Leo. I don't know"

"Come on Raph, you must have some idea. How long have you been planning this? When are you leaving? Did you even talk to Master Splinter about it?"

"Possibly up to a year, but probably only a few months, I've decided this a few days ago, I'm leaving in a few days and yes Master Splinter has given me his blessing. He's making the arrangements." Raphael answered in one long breath.

When nothing but silence greeted his ears, Raphael looked up once again at his brother to find a look of pure hurt on his Leo's face. The look pierced his heart him much worse than he would have anticipated. He had to force himself not to reach out and touch his brother.

"A year?! Raph that's insane!" Leo finally exploded "What so complicated in your life right now? Things are better than ever between the family!"

Raphael turned away and glared at his hands tightly gripping the ledge of the building. Why did Leo have to complicate things so much? Master Splinter had been understanding, so why couldn't Leo? Shell, Leo had done it himself. Granted, Raphael hadn't exactly understood when Leo had to leave.

"Look, I can't explain why I'm going, but its something I gotta do."

"Fine Raph, if you've got to go, then you've got to go. But I think I deserve some kind of explanation." Leonardo felt his head swimming as he tried to sort through the wave of emotions he was feeling. His throat went dry, and he felt shaky inside. Why was this affecting him so badly? When he left for Japan, did his brothers feel this way inside?

Leonardo tried to swallow at the lump that was building in his throat. He didn't understand why he was reacting so horribly to the news, but he knew that the thought of Raph leaving for god knew how long was cutting him more deeply than he would have thought possible.

"I can't talk to you about this" Raphael said in a voice that indicated he was done talking about it.

"Okay Raph" Leonardo responded coolly, as he tried to push down the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. If Raphael wanted to start pushing him away again after the progress they had recently made in the way of their friendship, then there was nothing he would do to change his brother's mind.

-------

Once the movie ended, Donatello reached over and picked up the remote control. He really needed to talk to someone about what was going on with Raph. If he was going to be completely honest with himself, it down right freaked him out that Raphael had developed feelings for one of them, a brother. Shell, he knew how hard it was for normal human beings to find the right someone, but a mutant animal living underground finding love with a human? The odds were less than slim. Especially since they actually only knew a handful of people. It was sheer luck that Leo had found someone, but like most relationships, that one didn't seem like it was going to work out.

Donatello flicked off of the television and turned to Michelangelo. "I know what's going on Mikey" he said in the most even, serious tone he could muster up. He wanted his brother to grasp the seriousness of the situation, and not treat it like some joke.

"You know what?" Mike asked, poorly disguising the nervous look that flashed across his features.

"I know about Raph, I know that you know."

"What do you know? And how do you know that I know?"

"I know that you know what I know"

"Yeah but how do you know that I know that you know what…I mean…I know that…Shell, now I'm confused"

Don sighed in frustration. "Raph has feelings for Leo. Feelings of the sexual variety" he hissed lowly to prevent his Sensei from overhearing.

"EEP" Michelangelo squeaked as he glanced around for someone who could potentially be listening in.

"This is bad Mikey! What happens if Raph blurts it out someday when he's mad? You know he can't control his mouth when he gets all worked up. Leo might not take too kindly to the news, and that could drive a permanent wedge in their already fragile relationship. That would affect us all Mikey, as a family and as a team."

"Don, you might not have noticed, but Raph and Leo have been growing closer than ever. I don't know what I would classify their relationship as, but I wouldn't call it fragile anymore."

Donatello considered this for a moment as he stared intently at his brother. "Maybe you're right on that. I guess I've been more focused on finding out why everyone has been acting so mysterious, and I never really noticed that they've been getting along much better."

"See Donnie, I think Raph will figure out what to do. He's been pretty careful so far."

Don nodded his head in agreement, yet he still felt that nagging sensation in the pit of his stomach. "The other thing is…It's just…Mikey, we're brothers. Doesn't it bother you that Raph suddenly wants Leo?"

"Well I guess it a bit shocking at first, but Donnie think about it. If we don't have each other, then who do we have?"

Donatello let Mike's words sink into his head. Shell, what exactly was Mike implying here? He shook his head, clearing away the thoughts that threatened to linger and consume him. "Well I guess I don't really have to worry about it anyway. Raph can focus his sexual energy on Leo all he wants; because it's not like Leo is gay.

Mike shook his head. "It's not like that at all. Raph doesn't want Leo because he is attracted to him. I mean come on; you don't think that he's a virgin do you? He's been with different women." Mike explained "Don, he really is falling for Leo and if you don't think that all the fears you just voiced to me, hasn't been running through Raph's head every single moment since he discovered his true feelings, then your sadly mistaken bro. And besides, Raph still likes women to. Who's to say that Leo doesn't swing both ways as well?"

Don gaped at his brother momentarily. "Raph's bi?"

"Uh huh"

"Oh"

"Shit" Don muttered after a moment "I guess I never stopped to consider how hard this must be for Raph to deal with. I just assumed that he would jump into this without really considering the consequences of his actions. Jeez, I was kind of insensitive when I cornered him about it last night. Man I've been an idiot about this"

This time it was Michelangelo's turn to gape "Seriously, you cornered Raph about this and he didn't try and maim you? Wow he must be more deeply afraid of this hurting us than even I realized."

Don grinned sheepishly. "I guess I'll have to apologize to him"

"I'm sure he'll understand bro" Mike replied grinning happily. "By the way, how did you find out about Raph anyway?"

Don shrugged his shoulders "I just put all the clues together. When I asked Raph about it, I still had my doubts that it was actually true. I was pretty surprised to find out I was actually right."

Mike laughed "I can't believe you asked him that without him kicking your ass."

"Lucky I guess"

A sudden banging as the front door swung open in a hurry startled both turtles. They turned around to find none other than April and Casey rushing in.

"Guys, we've got a huge problem" April called out as she rushed forward.

"What's wrong April?" Donatello asked as he and Michelangelo left their seat on the sofa to join their friends. He was surprised to see how utterly pissed off, scared and upset both of them looked.

"Donnie, Mikey" April said sadly "You're secret is out"

"Secret?" Donatello asked puzzled as to what his friend was talking about.

April looked as if she was on the verge of tears as Casey handed them a copy of a tabloid magazine.

The two brothers glanced down at the headlines of the paper in Don's hand. '**I'm Dating A Mutant Turtle'** the title read.

Don felt as if someone threw a bucket of ice cold water on him as he unfolded the paper to find himself staring at a huge picture of Leonardo asleep on someone's sofa, splashed on the front page.

Michelangelo gasped beside him and turned away. "Nonononono" he muttered to himself as he rubbed at his temples.

Don gripped the paper so tightly in his hands, some of the pages started to rip under the pressure. He quickly read through the article and felt his heart sinking in his chest. He knew who did this to the family, who did this to his brother. The girl Leo trusted and gave his heart to. "Marissa did this" he said out loud.

Michelangelo turned to face his brother, looking even more shocked than before. "Oh my god" he whispered. "Why would she do that to Leo? To us? What the hell are we going to do?"

"Mike" Don ordered "Go get Master Splinter"

As Mike turned and hurried out of the room, Casey placed a supporting hand on his friend's shoulder "I'm so sorry Donnie. You know you guys are welcome to use the farm house if you gotta get outta here for awhile"

Don nodded his head, unable to really acknowledge the presence of anyone else at the moment as his mind was racing with jumbled thoughts he couldn't even begin to make sense of.

"Don, where's Raph and Leo?" Casey asked.

He felt his heart sink even lower as he realized he had no idea where his brothers had gone off to. "Damn!" he exclaimed as he smacked his head.

Muttering to himself, he grabbed his shell cell and tried to reach Raph, as he knew Leo's phone was currently out of commission. Faintly, he could hear Raphael's phone ringing from his bedroom, where he had no doubt left it on his night stand. "Great. Just great" he fumed.

"Donatello" Splinter called out as he made his way from his room, with Michelangelo following closely behind. "What has happened?"

Donatello quickly briefed his father on what the article had said, then handed him the paper to see with his own eyes.

The old rat's ears flattened against his skull as he read through the paper. Finally, he lowered the paper, revealing the grave look on his face.

"Donatello, did you try and contact your brothers?" Splinter inquired.

"Yes sensei, but Leo's phone is broken, and Raph didn't take his." Don replied.

Splinter nodded in acknowledgement. "Casey, do you have your phone with you?

"Yeah, I got it right here" Casey replied as he pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket.

"Would look for them and bring them home? I fear we cannot wait until morning as people will be looking to find us. We will have to leave New York immediately.

"I'll find 'em Master Splinter" Casey promised as he jogged towards the main door and hurried out into the darkness.

"Donatello, you have taken extra precautions to ensure our home is well enough hidden from anyone who may wander through the sewers, have you not?

"I have sensei, but I will dispose of any evidence that may reveal our identities, just to be sure."

"I'll put out the albums and hang the pictures and stuff" Mike offered, referring to the pictures of people they had scavenged at the dump and kept aside in hopes that if anyone discovered their home, they would at least think that it was people who dwelled there and not mutant turtles.

"April, would you mind helping us pack up the belongings we will be taking?" Splinter asked.

"No, not at all. Whatever you need, I'll help you with" April replied.

"Donatello, Michelangelo, once you are through, please begin to pack up Raphael and Leonardo's more prized possessions and some essentials they will need. I am afraid they will not have time to do so."

"Yes sensei" they replied in unison.

"Master Splinter, what if we can't find Raph and Leo soon? I mean the article says that we live in the sewers, so won't that mean people will be down here looking for us? Even if the story does lack credibility being a tabloid and all?" Michelangelo asked.

Splinter nodded. "That is why we must leave immediately. Our home is no longer safe from the outside world as long as there are people out there that believe in our existence. If Casey cannot find Raphael and Leonardo, then I'm afraid we will have to go on without them. They know that if we are to become separated without the aid of communication, then the farm house is one of our meeting points."

Suddenly Donatello's cell phone started to ring. He wondered if Casey found them already. "Hello?"

"Don…" Casey panted on the other end "Ya ain't got any time left, the sewers are filled with people looking for ya's already. I'm sorry but ya gotta go now, there's no time for packin' up your stuff. I'll keep lookin' for Raph and Leo, and hope to god I find them before they venture back into the sewers."

"Okay Casey, We're leaving now" Don agreed as he hung up the phone. He quickly filled his family in on what Casey had told him, and in a few minutes they were all piled into the battle shell, with a few bare essentials grabbed on the way out.

Soon, they were headed out of New York, leaving their home behind. Donatello glanced from the driver's seat towards his brother sitting in the seat beside him. Silent tears were streaming down Michelangelo's face as he watched the city skyline fade into the distance.


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Figure in the Shadow – Chapter 11

Author: Raphshell

Pairings: Raph/Leo

Rating: M

Summary: Raphael sees someone in a new light, someone he never expected to fall for. Now he is sickened with himself, and knows there is no way his own brother would ever return his feelings.

Soon Raphael and Leonardo had begun their journey back to the lair in silence, again. Raphael took a deep breath of air, wanting to speak, but not sure what to say. He was terrible at expressing feelings and he just knew that if he spoke, he'd probably start tripping over his words and accidentally lash out at Leo. Though admittedly, a part of him was becoming so frustrated with the pent up feelings he had to resist the urge to tackle his brother to the ground and simply have his way with him.

Why did Leo suddenly have all this interest in hanging out with him anyway? Was he deliberately trying to drive Raph crazy? Did he not realize that his mere scent alone was overwhelmingly sexy? God his brother could be so stupid sometimes. Mike and Don had easily figured out what was going on, and he was sure that Splinter knew as well by the meaningful, understanding looks he had been receiving.

When they finally came to a manhole cover, Raph hung back behind his blue clad brother and not surprisingly found himself checking out his ass as Leo bent forward to lift the heavy lid. Raphael was grateful the darkness concealed the faint flush that stained his cheeks as he imagined all the things he would love to do to Leo's ass. If he wanted, he could simply reach out and caress the smooth, muscular globes that were taunting him so.

Leo stood back up, and began his decent down under ground effectively shaking Raphael out of the trance he had momentarily fallen into. With a frustrated sigh, he followed his brother down the ladder.

Just as his foot hit the bottom rung, both he and Leo froze in their tracks as the strong feeling that someone was nearby hit them simultaneously. Quickly, Raphael bounded back up the ladder followed by Leo. Shell, they rarely ever had a close call like that with exceptions to the times when Saki had his foot ninja's underground searching for them. Quickly, they worked together to place the lid back over the manhole as quietly as possible.

"Jeez" Raphael said finally breaking the silence once they were safely out of view from seeing eyes. "that was a close one"

Leo frowned "It sounded like a fairly large group of people down there"

"You don't think Saki has anything to do with it do ya?" Raphael asked as he fingered the sais safely tucked in his belt.

"No…I don't think so, they were being much too loud for Foot ninja"

"Could be the Purple Dragons" Raphael suggested.

"Could be," Leo agreed, "or maybe it's only people working underground. All I know, is that we'll have to watch our backs. We'll have to take the long way back, just to be sure no one is following us."

Raphael nodded in agreement, but couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't merely a group of people working in the sewers, and that whoever it was, had a purpose that didn't involve the well being of the Hamato family. Raphael glanced sideways and caught the hard look on Leo's face that told him his brother was thinking the same thing.

Soon, they were lifting the lid off of another manhole, and much more carefully this time, making their way back down into the sewers. Neither spoke, or made so much as a tiny splash despite the endless trail of water flowing at their feet, as they were on high alert for other pedestrians who might have been dwelling in the sewers.

It was another Ten minutes of walking before the dead give away of distant feet sloshing through the water, and hushed voices made the two of them freeze in their tracks. They were walking directly towards the sound, and were forced to turn back in haste.

To the horror of Raphael and Leonardo, another set group of people, who were far to close for comfort, sounded as if they were now closing in on them from the opposite direction as well.

With only one way to go, Raph and Leo dove into the tunnel leading south, and hoped for the best. If anyone else was to show up on this route, they were effectively screwed. Once they came to the end with no problems Raphael was about to step out and start down the left tunnel, when Leo suddenly jerked him back, and pulled him into a small space inside of the wall. Only seconds later, two males, and one female, were barely visible in the darkness except for the dim glow of the battery operated lamp they were carrying. They all appeared to be in there early twenties, possibly students judging by their backpacks, walked past them without so much as glancing sideways.

Once the people had disappeared from view, Raphael and Leonardo kept hidden in the small space, straining to hear for any indication someone else might be nearby. Raphael had been so caught up in his fears of being seen, that he didn't notice just how small their hiding spot was, and how they were actually pressed up against each other until Leo shifted ever so slightly, causing his plastron to lightly scrape at his. Raphael felt a shudder of pleasure work its way through his body at the movement. Just to feel it again, he found himself ever so lightly grind his lower plastron against Leo's. The vibrations that jolted through his stomach into his cock were maddening, and he felt himself growing hard, fast. It was all he could do to keep back moan in his throat as he revelled in the moment.

God the feeling of Leo's chest pressed against him, feeling the heat coming off of his brother was overwhelming. Even Leo's breath's were careful and deliberate, yet matching the rhythm of Raph's with perfect timing. Leo breathed out as Raph breathed in, Leo breathed in as Raph breathed out. The pattern kept their chests moving together in perfect harmony, never breaking apart, just like it would be if he was buried deep inside of Leo, always moving together, fighting to melt into one.

Raphael had to focus all of his energy into not letting himself drop down right then and there. He found himself wondering what was going through Leo's head at the moment. Was he thinking the same thing at all? Surely he wouldn't be so dense as to not notice how fucking erotic this moment was. Raphael turned his face towards Leo's hoping to catch a glimpse of something, anything in his expression to indicate if he was feeling something for Raph as well. Leo's gaze shifted from the empty tunnels, and met Raph's stare. Damn if it wasn't so dark in here, maybe he would have half a chance at reading his brother's expression. Yet Leo was so close and unmoving even if they were clearly alone in this moment. Raphael knew that they should be making a run for it before someone else came along, yet Leo was as unmoving as he was, gazing back. God their faces were so close, they were sharing one breath right now. Raphael felt his mind begin to cloud over as his as his instincts began to take hold. He didn't remember lifting his hand and placing against Leo's face, he didn't remember leaning forward slowly as he gently pressed his mouth against Leo's, and unfortunately, because of his current state of mind and the lack of lighting in the sewers, he didn't notice the horrified expression on his brother's face.

As soon as his mouth touched Leo's, reality hit hard and fast when his brother jerked backwards and wasted no time planting a fist in his mouth.

The impact snapped his head back with a loud crack against the brick wall behind him, leaving him momentarily stunned and flustered. Raphael realized that nothing killed a hard on faster than the simultaneous throbbing pain in the beak and skull.

Yes, Leonardo was still staring at him, and although it was still to difficult to read the expression on his brother's face, he didn't need any light to know that Leo's face would be set in a hard, disgusted, yet bewildered glare.

Raphael felt like throwing up. What the fuck had he just done? He actually deluded himself into thinking that his brother was a sick twisted fuck like him? He couldn't speak, his emotions were stirring together, bubbling their way up to the surface and at any moment he could possibly explode. He was outraged to say the least. He was outraged at himself for not keeping himself in check, for allowing himself to ever think of Leo in such a way. He was outraged at Leo for ignoring all the signs, for going through life pretending that he would find someone on the outside to love him for who he was.

Leo was still there staring, waiting for some type of explanation that Raphael knew he couldn't give. He noticed that although Leo was still crammed into the small space with him, his body was no longer pressed against his. No, Leo was now tightly pressed against the wall behind him, distancing himself from Raph, even if there was only a mere couple of inches. It didn't matter though, two inches might of as well of been two miles. Leo was so disgusted with him, that he couldn't stand the thought of allowing his skin to come into contact with Raph's.

Leonardo finally broke the silence "Raphael" he said carefully, his voice as sharp as the steel blade of his katana. "What the hell is going on?"

Raphael opened his mouth and closed it again when no sound came out. This was too much, he couldn't stay here, all he knew was that he had to get the hell away from Leo, and fast. He turned and ducked out of the space, running down the tunnels, and towards the exit that would take him back up to the streets. No sounds came from behind him, and he was mostly relieved that Leo wasn't coming after him.

He pushed himself through the manhole, and took off in a hurry. He thought about heading for the rooftops, but then decided against it because he knew that's probably where Leo would be headed, and the last thing either one of them needed was to run into each other. An apartment building came into view with a clothes line full of men's clothing that appeared to be about his size. He climbed up the fire escape of the building and selected a dark red hoodie along with a pair of jeans, and quickly put them on. He memorized which apartment he took the clothing from so that he could return them later that evening, before turning to head towards the busy streets of Manhattan.

Raphael found himself deep in thought, fuming with himself over what happened, and was horrified at the prospect of ever facing Leo again. Maybe the best thing he could do would be to leave for Japan in the night. He still hadn't had the chance to discuss it with Mike or Don, but he could always wait until he was sure everyone had gone to bed before returning home then pack up a few belongings and sneak up to Mike and Don's rooms and tell them he would be leaving. He would say goodbye to Master Splinter as well and be out of there before Leo got out of bed in the morning.

It was fucking cowardly, and he knew it. He wanted to take the easy way out and it was a strange, foreign feeling to him. Raphael had always prided himself on standing up for what he believed in and never backing down, but then again he had never hit on a brother either. How the fuck did one face up to something like that? No, the cowardly way was looking more appealing by the second. He wasn't ready to face Leo and hell, he knew he would never be ready for that, but he had to get away and think things through. Had to find a way to get over these wrong feelings and stop lusting after his brother.

Raphael was so lost in his thoughts that he almost didn't see the magazine cover staring up at him from the trashcan he had just passed. Something tugged at his consciousness as he came to a halt. Slowly, he turned back around and glanced down into the trashcan. With a shaking hand, he reached down in and pulled out a tabloid magazine. He almost threw up on the spot as a big bold photograph of none other than Leonardo sleeping on a sofa, for the world to see with the headline 'I'm Dating A Mutant Turtle' splashed out above it.

'_Nonononono this can't be happening. Who would do such a thing?' _Raphael thought wildly. Then it dawned on him, filling his soul with black fury. _'Marissa'._

Oh fuck, that's why the sewers were crawling with people. People out looking for them. Raphael's fists tightened in rage, crumpling the edges of the paper as his breaths came out in short gasps. He would fucking kill her. Fucking. Kill. Her.

Never in his life had he wanted to rip someone's head clean off of their shoulders like he did with Marissa, with the exception of maybe Saki.

Before he could think of going after her, a new problem arose in his clouded mind. His family. Where they still at home? Did they know what happened and get away, or were they waiting for he and Leo to arrive back home? What if they hadn't found out yet and were sitting ducks? Fuck! Raphael reached for his shell cell only to discover that he didn't have it with him. Fuck!

Raphael raced down the street until he got to the nearest pay phone. Quickly, he dialled their home number and waited. No one answered, but the message on the answering machine was left by Donnie saying that they knew what happened but they couldn't stick around and wait because the sewers were crawling with people, and that they had gathered up some of his and Leo's belongings and were headed up to the farmhouse with April. He also said that Casey stayed behind and was out looking for them and would bring them up to the farmhouse as well.

Raphael hung up the phone and felt somewhat relieved that they were at least safe. However his relief was short lived as the cold fear came trickling back into his soul. Leo was still out there and had no idea what had happened. What if he tried to head back down into the sewers and got caught. Fuck, what if he never left the sewers in the first place? Raphael had just left him down there in a hurry knowing that there were people everywhere just because he was a big fucking coward. What if Leo had been spotted before he had the chance to leave as well? Questions raced through his mind as he thought of endless possibilities. He knew he had to calm himself down and think rationally. Leo would have gotten out okay, he was a ninja after all, and was the stealthiest out of all of them. He couldn't call Leo, because he had accidentally broken his shell cell a few days ago.

When he really thought about it, Leo was probably doing the same as him at the moment, wandering around trying to clear his head in hopes that he wouldn't run into Raph. Knowing Leo though, he would have stuck to the rooftops where he was much more comfortable.

Raphael quickly dialled Casey's number, but there was no answer so he left a message on his machine telling him that he knew what happened, but Leo wasn't with him and that they would meet back at his apartment once he found his brother.

Hanging up the phone, Raphael ducked his head low under the hood of his sweater and

made a dash towards an alleyway with the magazine tucked under his arm. He climbed up the nearest fire escape and was soon flying across the rooftops in search of his brother.

-----------

Leonardo had finally slowed to a stop after running for what felt like hours. The burning sensation in his lungs was a welcoming feeling. Right now feeling anything besides the numbness that had set in since his brother blatantly kissed him was a good thing. He didn't know what to think. He had been taken so by surprise that his initial reaction was to hurt Raph. He had never felt more confused in his life, and when he stopped and thought back on everything that had been going on lately, the kind, yet weird behaviour of Raphael, his sudden plans to leave for Japan with no good explanation, his negativity towards Leo having a girlfriend, the partial conversation he had heard between Raph and Mike, the odd looks he had caught Raph giving him lately, had all added up. Why had he not put these things together before and realized what was going on? Damn it, was he that blind? Or was he just in denial?

He had no idea how to deal with this. He knew he had to talk to Raph about this but how the hell should he bring this up in conversation? He didn't even know the extent of Raphael's feelings. It was probably just lust that would pass in time, but what if it wasn't? What if Raph's feelings had grown into more than what Leo could handle at the moment? In retrospect, punching Raph in the face probably wasn't the smartest move, but how else could he have reacted to something so unexpected?

Leonardo leaned against the edge of the roof, and peered over the side, staring at nothing in particular. He didn't know what would happen next, but he had to find Raph and start straightening this out. Only now he didn't know exactly how he was suppose to get back home with a sewer full of people wandering around. Which brought him to the second nagging question, why the hell were people down there? What were they looking for? Leonardo dreaded to hear what the answer to that might be. Those people didn't appear to be working for Saki, but what if he had hired a massive amount of people to search the sewers for their home? He wouldn't put it past their enemy to do something so outrageous in order to locate them.

Leo palmed his face in his hands as he tried to clear his thoughts. Maybe he should try and find Raph out in the city before attempting to go back home. Clearly, Leo would be the last person on earth Raph would want to see right now but with the sewers so full of people it wouldn't be safe for them to go down there on their own. Besides, he knew that Raph would be trying to avoid him and probably wouldn't attempt to go home for hours yet.

Leonardo turned away and got ready to jump down to the next roof top, but not before he put a hand to his mouth. He could still feel the burning sensation where Raph's mouth had momentarily made contact with his.

----------

It took a couple of hours searching the rooftops of the city before Raph spotted the form of what was undoubtedly Leonardo heading in his general direction. Sudden overwhelming nervousness and dread filled him at the sight. Fuck, he had been okay when he thought Leo might have been in some kind of trouble, but nope, he was obviously safe, and now Raph was going to have to face him whether he wanted to or not. This would have been so much easier if they would've had their phones on them so he could have simply called Leo to filled him in on what happened without actually facing him. He then would have found alternate transportation to the farmhouse while letting Leo travel with Casey and then spent his time alone in the woods or locked up in his room where…Fuck! His room that he always shared with Leo! Raphael groaned to himself as he realized that there simply was no getting out of this. He wished that he could have at least lied and said that he was drunk and didn't know what he was doing when he put the moves on Leo, except that he had spent the entire fucking evening with him so of course that wouldn't work.

Anger clawed it's way back into Raphael's stomach as Leo leapt onto the same roof as him and stood at the opposite end, studying Raph with a frown as there was something horribly wrong with him. _'Well that's just fucking dandy Leo'_ Raphael thought bitterly _'I'll stand here like a moron while you decide if what I have is catchy or not'_

He knew he shouldn't be mad at Leo right now, as Leo had every right to be disgusted after Raph decided it would be a swell idea to throw himself on him, not to mention the fact that he was about to shatter Leo's little world even more once he presented him more good news of Marissa's betrayal, but he couldn't help himself. More and more it felt like it somehow had to be Leo's fault for always being around, driving him crazy fucking around with his dumb ass girlfriend. For always being in his head, and a constant presence. For being so self absorbed that he couldn't see that he has been killing Raph. Yes, Raphael had himself convinced that Leo was at least partially to blame for what had happened, and by the time he and Leo met up in the middle of the roof, he was spitting angry and found himself glaring uncontrollably at his brother. Once Leo caught the look on Raph's face, his own morphed from confusion, to surprise, to out right glaring back.

"Well Leo looks like your little girlfriend's out to do us all in. Congratulations on that" Raphael spat sarcastically as he thrusted the paper at Leonardo. Inside Raphael was a complete mess. What the hell was wrong with him? Why was he being such an asshole right now and blaming Leo? Apparently old habits really do die hard.

Leo was completely confused, but refused to let it show as he grabbed the paper Raphael had pushed up against his chest. If Raph was going to be an ass, then he could be one right back. He unfolded the tabloid magazine and felt the world drop away as he stared at the picture of himself. He saw the headline and couldn't speak or move. Marissa…She really did this? Leo dropped to his knees as let the magazine fall in front of him. He felt bile rising in his throat, and had to swallow it back as a cold sweat broke out on his forehead. What the hell had happened? When had she taken this? Why did she do it? A million questions raced through his mind. All those people in the sewers…they were looking for him. He had put his family in danger, this was his fault entirely, and now he didn't know how he would ever make things right.

Raphael's heart sank as he watched his brother collapse to his knees, and decided that he was now pissed off that he _wasn't _pissed off at Leo anymore. Raphael palmed his face. He really needed to get a life.

"Leo" Raphael said more gently "This really ain't your fault. I called home once I found out, but Donnie left a message saying that they had left for the farmhouse, and that Casey stayed behind to bring us out there. So everyone's safe okay?"

Raphael was surprised to hear Leo chuckling "Don't try and comfort me Raph, not right now. This fucking well is my fault."

With that, Leo stood back up, leaving the magazine abandoned at his feet. "Go find Casey, I'll meet you at his apartment in an hour" he ordered.

Raphael raised an eye ridge "If you're going to see an old girlfriend about this, I'm coming too."

"I want to do this on my own Raph. It's private." Leonardo warned.

Raphael snorted "This involves all of us now. I think Don and Mike would agree on that."

"Yeah well Don and Mike aren't here right now are they? If you must know, I don't feel up to dealing with you as well at the moment" Leo snapped in anger. "Now please let me do this and we'll discuss your issues later."

Out of it's own accord, Raphael's fist swung out to connect with Leo's face, which he easily blocked. "Back off Raph! I'm doing this alone!"

Raphael wasn't sure if he wanted to kill Leo or if he completely agreed with him. He didn't even mean to take a swing at him, but his emotions were all over the place today, as he was sure Leo's were too.

He watched as Leo turned north towards Marissa's apartment, and leap onto the next rooftop. He waited for Leo to get far enough ahead before he followed his brother. As fucked up as things were right now, as angry as he was with his brother and himself, for some reason he felt he had to be there for Leo. Not to get involved in on whatever Leo had planned for Marissa, but to be there for him if he had to help pick up the pieces later.

--------

It was as if multiple explosions of anger had been set off in his chest in a rapid succession, burning him to the core. He had never felt anger and betrayal like this in his entire life. Why had he been so blind to see who she really was? Raphael really was right about her all along.

Leo jumped down onto Marissa's fire escape and climbed through her window. Silently, he walked to her room where she was lying asleep in bed. Leo withdrew his katana and hurled one of his weapons at the wall behind her bed with a loud thunk.

Marissa jumped up out of bed and stared wide eyed at Leonardo. "Get out Leo." Marissa snapped trying to keep her voice steady.

Leo stalked towards her and yanked his weapon out of the wall behind her. He then pushed her up against the wall and put his blade to her throat.

"Stop it" Marissa cried unable to keep the fear out of her eyes and voice.

"You listen and listen good, you spoiled selfish bitch" Leo hissed "you have ruined us, drove our family out of our home and on the run."

Tears began to fall from Marissa's eyes and her mouth trembled "I'm sorry Leo" she whispered.

"I don't want to hear apologies" Leonardo sneered "What I want is for you to do whatever it takes to fix this. I don't care if you claim the photo's were fakes or what you do. I also want all the copies of any other photos you may have taken of me or any other evidence of my existence. Do you understand?"

"Yes…The pictures a…are in the top drawer" Marissa sobbed pointing to her dresser.

Leo removed the blade from Marissa's neck and stalked over to her dresser. He found an envelope and peered inside. Sure enough, she had an assortment of photos ranging from 5x7's to 8x10's.

"Is this everything?" he demanded.

Marissa nodded in response with one hand to her throat where the blade had been so dangerously close to cutting through the skin.

Leo walked to the bedroom door and turned once again to face Marissa. "I expect you to go through with this Marissa, and I don't ever want to see or hear from you again is that understood?"

Marissa nodded once again with tears still running from her eyes.

"My family is first and foremost the most important thing in my life. If you even so much

as think of doing something to hurt them again, I will hunt you down and I will kill you. The next time I won't show you any mercy." With that, Leo turned and left Marissa's apartment, hoping he would never have to deal with her again.

---------

From a safe distance, Raphael watched his brother leave Marissa's apartment with an envelope tucked under his arm. He debated going after Leo, but decided that it would be best not to risk pushing any more of his buttons than he already had that evening and to meet him back at Casey's apartment like Leo originally planned.

Soon he was back at the apartment, and thankfully Casey was anxiously awaiting their

arrival.

"Thank god yer back" Casey said with relief as he slapped Raphael's back. "Uh oh, you didn't find Leo yet?" he asked worriedly as it dawned on him that Raph had come back alone.

"Yeah, I found him and told him what happened." Raphael filled Casey in on the events of the evening, leaving out the part where he had made a pass at his brother.

Casey whistled. "Damn, you think he let her live?"

Raphael shrugged "I dunno, he was pretty pissed. I know I was and still am angry enough to kill her."

"She's still alive" came Leo's voice from the balcony as he slid the glass doors open. "I made sure she understood that she had to do whatever possible to fix what she did, and to never try and contact me again or I would kill her."

Leonardo grabbed the tall metal garbage can beside the stove and dumped the contents onto the floor.

Casey raised a brow "Urm whatcha doin' there Leo?"

"Sorry, I'll clean it up, but right now, I have to burn this evidence." he replied holding up a large envelope.

"Are those the pictures?" Raphael asked.

"Yup" Leo replied not quite meeting his eyes as he walked past, and back out onto the balcony garbage can and lighter in hand.

Raphael watched his brother light the contents on fire, seemingly mesmerized by the fire as his gaze never wavered from the metal can.

Casey watched his red clad friend, slightly puzzled by the almost longing look he was giving Leonardo. _'Weird'_ he thought with a shrug, and turned to leave the room. He had a few things to pack up before leaving for the farmhouse in the morning.

--------

Marissa sat on her bed still crying when David finally showed up. Seeing his friend a broken mess cut him deeply.

He walked into her room and sat down beside her and gathered her into a hug. "What happened hon?" he asked as he stroked her hair.

Once she calmed down enough, she filled him in on the details.

"So what are you going to do?" he asked hoping that she had enough sense to fix all this and get it over with.

"What he wants me to. If I don't I think he really will kill me next time."

David frowned. "God Marissa, we need to get you out of here before he does find you again."

Marissa shook her head "He won't come after me as long as I set things right."

"How do you know?" David cried "You said the guy wears swords. What kind of a crazy person goes around wearing swords in New York?

Marissa glanced down at her hands folded on her lap. "The kind who's life depends on it." she answered quietly. "He was right David, I betrayed him in the worst way possible way, and I have to do what I can to make things right. I know it won't begin to make up for what I did, but I have to do something."

David nodded and put his chin on her head. "Okay…well if you need my help, I'm here for you."

Marissa smiled at her friend "Thanks, but this is my mess, and I think I have to work this out on my own."

--------

Raphael woke up the next morning with an enormous kink in his neck. He really hated Casey's stupid sofa and often ragged on his friend about it. Normally Raph wouldn't care, but whenever they sat on it to watch the game, he always ended up with a couch spring up his ass. Of course Casey always insisted that the couch was perfectly fine if you sat on it the right way. That drove Raph crazy to no end, it's not like they ever had brand new furniture. Hell, all of the sofa's they ever owned were ones that were abandoned by the road. They were never in perfect shape, but they certainly never had huge holes or springs popping out of the fabric.

He heard a rustling coming from the kitchen and knew it had to be Leo, because like him, Casey always slept in as long as possible. Leo had ended up sleeping on the air mattress in the spare room last night, which was a bit of a relief for Raphael. He really didn't want to spend the night in the same room as Leo. In fact, he had no intentions of leaving the sofa from hell until he heard Casey up and about as well. Yep, he was still a huge coward, but he knew if they were alone, Leo might try and talk about what happened., and even if he didn't, Raph couldn't face the awkward silence that was sure to hang between them.

He listened as Leo prepared breakfast, and then finally knock on Casey's door to wake him. A few minutes later, Casey stumbled out of his room, mumbling incoherently.

Raphael sighed to himself as he kicked off his blankets. '_Time to face the music' _he thought bitterly.

--------

After they had eaten, and cleaned up after themselves, the three of them headed down to the truck parked along the side of the road. Leonardo glanced up and down the street hoping no one would see them.

'_Ah shit…' _Leo thought with a frown. They wouldn't be able to ride up front with Casey, they were going to have to ride in the back under the cab. No way would they be able to risk being seeing sitting up front. That meant him and Raph were going to be stuck alone in awkward silence for the next several hours. Leo stole a glance at his brother, who's slightly horrified expression revealed he had the same fears.

They crawled into the back of the truck and deliberately sat as far from one another as

possible, both refusing to look at the other as the truck started, and pulled away.


End file.
